One Week Home

Today, Ian has been home for one week.

It seems like much, much longer.

Everything is NOT how I ever pictured it. Some is MUCH better than we thought, and some is MUCH worse than we thought.

The important thing to keep in mind is that

WE DID IT

we answered God's calling, Ian is safe, he will not die alone within the year of neglect and starvation in a lifeless and cold institution.

He will live.

He seems very happy.

Praising Jesus.

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There are a list of things we are SO thankful for, and a list of things we could for sure do without. I promised myself that I would never post that things were honky dorrie when they weren't. After some time to think about it this past week, I do feel like it is very important to write about what really happens when you finally get home, but to be frank again, I'm so darn tired and now I have a cold that is seeping the life out of me, I couldn't begin to tactfully share the hard stuff even if I wanted to.

Before we committed to adopting Ian, I read, for a long time, MANY many blogs from other families that were adopting children from Eastern Europe with special needs. It was the reading of these families stories and experiences that helped me understand that adopting Ian was going to be hard, but DOABLE.

This week has been very HARD for all of us, and DOABLE too. We are still here, and things are getting better. I look forward to the day we have a new normal that we can all count on.

I'm not totally certain how to write this post, I have a plethora of things swirling in my head, some so great you'll cry, some so downright ugly I should just keep them to myself. Yeesh, I need a moderator! I just want to really update you on how things are going here, and as for all of the emotions and hard stuff, I will spare you the details, just know that coming home is a whole NEW challenge with things that are harder then the entire 14 month adoption process ever was.

Ian is loved, that is for sure, there is no other way we could do this.

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So, how is Ian doing?

• Ian came home with scabies and we are on our second and prayerfully last application of the full body cream to rid us (yes, I got them too from being near him) of these pesky and disgusting mirco bugs;

• Ian developed a whole body rash between the time I removed him from the orphanage until today, he is on an oral medication for that, it seems to be clearing and none of us have gotten the same thing so that is a blessing;

• Ian has seen the Cardiologist, Dr. V. I got all of Ian's physicians on referral from a number of parents with children with Down Syndrome. I can say that Dr. V. is all that he was said to be and I love him already. He was kind and did not talk at all over my head, as all of this is totally new ground for us. Ian's open heart surgery as an infant to repair a Ventral Septal Defect or VSD, went very well in Russia, according to Dr. V, and we will never have to worry about that repair. Ian however, in the other chamber of his sweet little heart, has a problem. He has a Mitral Valve Prolapse of the, right now, moderate to severe nature. Ian will have to have open heart surgery to repair the valves in his heart that are allowing blood to leak backwards into a place in his heart where it should not be, another name for this is regurgitation. At this time, Ian will be watched by us at home for things like increased tiredness, sweating and other things. In 6 months he will have another echocardiogram to determine how the prolapse is progressing, and that will give us a better idea of when he will face surgery. There is a possibility he may also need to be placed on heart medication before the surgery is needed, but again, that will depend upon his observed disposition and the 6 month visit. We are hopeful that Ian will be fine in the future. As would any parent, the thought of open heart surgery on a 5 year old, makes me wanna cry and be overcome with worry. Yes, we could lose Ian on the operating table. God knows already what will happen so I can find some sliver of Peace in that my worry would not change the outcome. We find hope in that this particular repair of the heart has a great, over 90 percent, success rate. If the repair of the natural valve does not work, it can also be replaced by a metal valve. That would not be the optimal choice however as that would then limit Ian's lifestyle to run and play and do all those things little boys love to do. He would be on medication for life too, if that became the road we had to walk. Doing nothing about the prolapse is not an option, he heart would eventually become enlarged and he would die. Just keeping it real.

• Yep, it is a lot to deal with in the first week, but I would much rather have it all laid out for us now, than later. There will be a financial impact here, as there are not many types of health insurances that pay 100 percent of anything anymore. I know many of you love Ian,and many of you have prayed for him and followed him well before we even began his adoption process. I have created a chip-in that will run from now until Ian's heart surgery is complete. Should you want to donate to the costs we will encounter, please feel free. This money will remain in his open heart surgery fund and only be used for that purpose when the time comes. The chip-in is also located at the top right of this blog and the code may be shared if you would like to help spread the word on your own blog. I looked up an estimate of the cost of mitral valve repair and with our 10% co-payment, we are looking at a cost of $5,000.00 out of pocket given no complications. We are not ASKING for donation, we just know that some people have already ASKED US how they can help, and we greatly appreciate the forethought and the care and concern for Ian and our family as we attempt to meet all of his medical needs and recover financially from the adoption journey.

• Ian has seen his new Primary care Pediatrician, Dr. A. I also found Dr. A through referrals and a process of BEGGING her to take Ian since her practice is closed to new patients. She did so and I am glad, I like her and she is very competent and thorough. Ian has come in on the US Down Syndrome growth charts at the 40th percentile for weight and the 50th for height, which is pretty darn good considering he has been lacking all of the things that contribute to a child growing healthily. Ian got 4 shots yesterday to help get him up to date on immunizations. They are required for him to enroll in school here, which we will be doing tomorrow. He did get a low grade fever from the shots, but seems to be handeling it well. He screamed like a banshi during the shots, which all came right after the other, it was HARD to hold him still but the nurse was great. I really hate having to watch my little children get shots. I remember being so afraid of them until later in adulthood. He will be facing more shots soon. Bummer. So that our friend TESNEY DAVIS does not feel all alone, we are also in the throws of a fecal study to make sure Ian has not brought any parasitical visitors to our home and our bodies (w0nderful). No words.

• Today, Ian and I will venture to see Dr. B, eye specialist. Tomorrow, a hearing test and then next week urology and neurology followed lastly by the dentist. My entire FMLA is being used to get him well and on the right track, and so adopting families where both parents work, please be ready to have one stay home for at least a month to get all of the first appointments in.

• Ian is itching to attend school. He CRIES and KICKS and refuses to move when we drop Ari off at school each morning. Yesterday, because he's so so fast on his feet, he made it almost to Ari's classroom's circle time in the morning, shoes off and all! Ian will start out attending our local elementary school, in the special needs Kindergarten class which is small and self-contained. His IEP meeting in tomorrow morning along with registration. No worries, I am an IEP expert, it is my field so Ian will have a solid IEP with all of the necessary services and I am sure, since they remember me from Ari's meeting this summer, they will be ready to present their level best! Ian will ride the special needs schoolbus in the morning, which is great for us, it will come to the front door for him and a para is on board to get him all buckled into the carseat on the bus. School starts at 8:50 am. Then, in the afternoons, he will be walked to the daycare bus and dropped off at the daycare we contract with. We are visting the 4 choices this week, Primrose School, Kindercare, Today's Kids, and Kindercare. The prices are reasonable so we should be good in terms of having full time school and care for 2 kids with special needs. I'm voting for Today's Kids because I've driven past it a hundred times and I like the playground. Ian loves playgrounds!

• Out in public, Ian is doing remarkable well. He is CALM most of the time and really only refuses to walk by pulling me or Craig the opposite direction of where we need to be going, or by starting to whine and cry. He is tolerating his 5 point harness on the carseat well too, I guess he has figured out that he cannot get out of it no matter what he does.

• At home, things are coming along, but we are dealing with some behaviors in Ari that we have never seen, and so my heart is hurting for my little boy. He likes Ian, so that is not the issue. Ian is very defiant, he is also very smart. He has come from a place where hitting and pushing were okay, and likely the only way he had to defend himself or his food, as he does not speak more than three words in Russian. At home, that is not allowed. Ian struggles with that expectation, and with most expectations actually. He is not totally uncivilized, but he does at times appear to be so. We have had to leave public places because of his behavior. Ian's relationship with me is not the same as it is with Craig, and that is also causing some issues. I was with him alone for two weeks before we came home, and he and I had to get some ground rules for life in Russia. Craig and he are just starting that process, plus Ian is not at all used to a man in his daily life, they were rare at the orphanage. Being home all day with Ian, and then having to help Ari compensate for his loss all night ling, is VERY exhausting. Plus, I came down with a pretty bad summer cold and so I am sick, going on 3 days now and no end in sight. Awesome. Ian was up at 3:00 am for a while and now he's up before 6 every morning, still trying to get on that EST clock. That is hard. It truly is like having a new baby at home.

• We are trying to get into a routine, but until Ian starts school, I think we will continue to struggle here at home for some return to sanity. No regrets, although I do want people to know that there is no way we can do this without God and a faith that surpasses what we can try to understand. This IS too hard for me, I admit it, but it is not to hard for God, and I know that he has never and will never leave my side, and that is how I eek out some peace in all of this. I am working on releasing the HEAVY feelings of guilt and sadness I have for my Ari, he is hurting, he cries, he cries for me, he is being naughty at school, he is changing, and I do not like it. I feel like it is all my fault, like I have ruined his life by bringing Ian here. That is the just what the devil will have be spend my heart on too, and because I am aware that negative thinking can result in negative living, I am trying to let those thoughts go. If I had had a new baby myself, this would all likely be happening with Ari anyway, so that is how I try to rationalize it. We always wanted Ari to have a sibling and as an only child, I do not think that is always such a great thing. I wish now, so badly, that I had siblings. Ari is showing grace though this, please pray for HIS peace and transition during this time.

• As for Craig and I, we are running on absolute fumes. The exhaustion is severe. We look forward to a time when there will be calm again in the house and a routine and having energy again. Sleep is a commodity around here right now. We are SO tired, but we are thankful and recognize that we have been blessed in many ways and we will continue to show thanks to GOD for all we have and how we have been changed.

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Hope always remains when you look to God.