Beyond Our Means

Since my last post, when Ian had been home for one week, I have not had much time to sit and process the events of his homecoming as they have unfolded. I wish I was disciplined enough to be keeping a daily journal of his transformation, and ours. Truly, I think it is utter exhaustion that keeps me from it. Make no mistake, the relief that is afforded to be "done" with the travel and the major expenses involved in an international adoption is HUGE, but "after the airport", its a whole different ball of wax. (HINT: click on the after the airport link to read a fascinating and TRUE life narrative of what we have and are and will experience here at home with Ian, this adoptive mama said it SO well that I wouldn't try to say it better. It really is a MUST READ).

So much happens here each day, it is amazing to all of us. I'm gonna hit the highlights with this post, pray for some time to process and then write a really "deep thoughts with Jack Handy" kind of post before I have to go back to work, and share a bunch of awesome pics today.

I'm also going to YELL and SHOUT as much as I can for this sweet baby girl who is in Ian's FORMER orphanage, waiting for her mama and papa and sisters to come and rescue her. She is Heidi, and she needs to get the heck out of that place. Her family is where we were a year ago at this time, in the throws of the homestudy, tests and clearances, and compiling the VERY complex and difficult first dossier. Russia is no joke people, they make it perhaps the most difficult it could be for families to even get approval for that first trip, and every time an American adoptive parent of a Russian child does something sinful, it gets that much harder. Russia could close to US adoptions, at any moment, and once you begin the process to bring a child home, you are always praying that nothing like that will happen. It is IMPERATIVE that Heidi's family raise all of the money to save her, and because WE KNOW the gut wrenching and sickening feeling of needing close to $50,000.00 to save a human life of an innocent child, WE ARE BEGGING for YOUR help to be the hands and feet of Jesus for the Petersons.

Please make a tax free donation at Reece's Rainbow HERE, to help bring this sweet baby girl to a home where love awaits, something she has NEVER experienced before. This family were CHAMPS for Ian, they made tee shirts, fundraised in the midst of their own decisive journey to step out on faith to bring Heidi home, and they have supported us in prayer. I took this picture of Heidi when we were at Ian's orphanage for court. Heidi and Ian were FRIENDS there, the second photograph of them was given to us by the groupa caregivers. This baby girl is small and needs to loved and fed up. She needs to go to school and thrive. SHE NEEDS YOU TODAY to extend your heart, your prayers, and frankly people - your wallet - to BREATHE LIFE INTO her one chance to come home.

How important is this? Is Heidi too old to benefit now from a family? Will she be able to transition? Why should we help this child and this family? Who cares anyway? Aren't these throw away kids, I mean her biological parents didn't care, why should I?

Hmmmmm.....all valid questions, all with answers, that I am really humbled to say IAN CAN ANSWER all by himself. Take a look people, and be moved to action to help Heidi leave the place where Ian was, because it DOES MATTER, every dollar, every penny. Donations brought Ian home, all $42,000.00 of them, and after NOT EVEN ONE MONTH in a loving, safe, fun, and REAL home with a mommy and daddy and brother.......

Just look and read, and realize, that you can be a BIG part of saving a child - TODAY.

IAN IS LEARNING! and fast too! Ian started school this past Monday. He is attending our local elementary school in a pre-kindergarten special needs self-contained cross categorical classroom. Whew - that was a mouthful! In lay terms, it means Ian is in the best type of classroom for his needs at this time, with a small number of children and teachers with special education and training to help him learn. I had the great pleasure to watch him for about an hour on his first day and man, while his first day was a little rough, being in the class, observing the teacher, I just walked away KNOWING it was a perfect fit for him. The other children in his class are ADORABLE! all of them! I mentioned to the teacher as I left that she must just smile all of the time, as there is no chance you can't given all the cuties in that classroom of all little boys.

The first day of school, Ian was dressed and ready and he screamed with excitement when we got there. He KNOWS the places we go already and he knew we were at school on the first day. Since he got home, he has cried and thrown his little mini-fits (consisting of crying and or screaming, stomping of the feet, pulling from our grasp, and perhaps fist pounding) when we have dropped Ari off at his school in the mornings. He SO wanted to go into Ari's classroom and participate. That was my first hint that taking him to school and leaving him there might be okay.

It was no mistake that had met Ian's teacher, Ms. L., TWICE prior to this day. The first time was in May, for ARI's IEP meeting! I knew she looked familiar but did not realize it until I met her on Monday (again) to take Ian to school. The second time was in August, right before I left for Russia to go and get Ian and bring him home. She was a participant in a training that I did for work on special education preschool curriculum. Funny thing, I used Ari and Ian as the two mock students for that training, and then afterwards, I told the 100 teachers in the room that these two boys were real kiddos and that one of those teachers would have the chance to see Ian everyday as HIS teacher. I feel certain that it is not a mistake that Ian's teacher is this particular person. She is the perfect mix of firm and caring. She's not fooled by his utter eat you all up kind of cuteness, or his cunning intelligence - she is right on the money with him, and that my friends is a blessing of GIANT proportions. There is NO battle necessary at school to get Ian what he needs, and we are SO thankful for that as it would have been beyond our means to orchestrate the perfect setting for him. God did that.

Technically, Ian has been retained at the Pre-K level. If we would have placed him strictly based on age, he would be in a much different setting, and missing all of those things that make Pre-K the developmentally right choice for a kid that has not had the benefit of growing up in a family or ever being taught a single thing. Pre-K is play based, and that is what he needs right now. His teacher is providing us with daily reports this first week and instead of re-writing them, I am just pasting them here so you can get a taste of what his first days at school have been, granted there have only been THREE of them! When Blogger wants to play nice, I will post some video of Ian at school, so be sure to check back for that this week!

DAY ONE

He wanted to walk around the room and touch most things, but did not appear interested in engaging in a specific activity. Of course we helped him engage until he heard the timer and it was time to transition :) (Gretchen writing: This means he threw a mini-fit and had to be physically moved) During snack, he ate a handful of goldfish and asked me (I'm assuming it was Russian) if he could have a doughnut hole when he saw a Dunkin Doughnut box on our shelf. I gave him one and he signed more and got another one. He LOVED the doughnuts, but then again, who doesn't'? :) He drank water from a straw and cup during snack. I think since he has a hard time drinking from an unlidded cup at this point, we'll use a straw until he begins to realize he can always have something to drink. At this point, if he asks for a drink, I will give him one even if its not snack or lunch. I think his peace of mind about food and drink is necessary and will provide him the security he needs to participate in other activities at school (Gretchen writing: Ian shows a HUGE need for access to food and water and he eats and drinks voraciously - remember, while he was not starving per se at the orphanage, the kids did not have free access to food and drink when THEY wanted some). After snack we went to the motor room and he played in the ball pit the ENTIRE time :) He loved rolling around in the balls and throwing them, etc... We will not be going outside for awhile until the weather is cooler and we have a little more control over the students and them staying on the rope or with a group. We will work into going outside, but we're building other skills at this point. After the motor room we came back to the room and he sat with me as I read a book. He did not prefer this activity and cried and tried to put his head down while I was reading, but would stop and look at the pictures briefly :) We will work through this of course and he will begin to love looking at pictures and hearing stories. We then went to the water table which he also loved. On a side note, he really liked washing his hands. He would become upset when we turned the water off and he couldn't rub his hands anymore. Needless to say, he enjoyed the water table but was more interested in dumping the water on the floor than using our containers to measure, pour, etc... Experimentation was the name of the game today :) At lunch he sat in front of me and did cry as you said he would when his food was presented to him. He kept pushing the food away, so I took 2 forks and put a piece of pizza on one fork and an piece of apple on the other fork. He tried for over 5 minutes to push these forks away, but I kept them in front of him and he eventually picked each one up and ate the food off the end of it. I then brought his lunch tray back in front of him and he used his fork to poke the food and eat it one bite at a time. I think this will be our ritual during lunch to help him get accustomed to sitting, eating with a fork/ spoon, and keeping the food in front of him, etc... During nap, he slept hard! He was tired and I could tell he was ready for nap b/c he was rubbing his eyes and his protests were less robust :) He went to the potty fine today and was independent just like you said he would be. He loved music and did really well sitting by the end of the day. He sat at our music group and imitated me for 15 minutes with only Ms. Jody sitting behind him in case he tried to run. He smiled and laughed quite a bit today, so I am assuming really liked school. Him taking my hand and wanting to come back in the building may also have been an indication he liked it :) LOL :) We thoroughly enjoyed having him in our class and it is our pleasure to have such a strong, capable little boy to inspire us all :)

DAY TWO - 9/13/11

He played with pretend food and cooking items for approximately 10 minutes without leaving the center or dropping it and moving on to something else. When it was time for calendar, I had to physically take him to circle and Ms. Jody had to sit behind him for the first couple minutes to keep him in his chair. He participated in group and imitated me very well. After calendar we transitioned back to centers and he went to the computer. He engaged in a cause/effect game for about 7 minutes independently using a touch screen instead of a mouse to access it. After centers we transitioned back to circle for speech and he needed physical assistance to go to his chair and sit. He protested by yelling "no" in Russian but once the music started began smiling and copying the teacher. After speech, we went to the table for snack and again a teacher needed to physically help him get to the table because he wanted to run back to centers. Once he was seated he began eating his goldfish. He asked for "more" by signing several times throughout snack. When we went to the motor room, a teacher walked beside him holding his hand while he was holding the rope. We are trying to get him used to walked in the line while holding the rope and staying with the class, but don't want to let go of his hand yet b/c he's not been immersed in our routine enough yet. In the motor room, he played in the balls and sat in the swing for the whole time. Although a couple of his classmates tried to get him to "chase" them, he preferred exploring/ throwing the balls and swinging. After the motor room, we came back to the room and had another circle. This was a short story about Farm Animals and he looked at the book when it was presented to him directly but not when it was shown to the whole class. He would imitate the teacher when she made a farm animal sound. At lunch, he ate very well. He used his fork and sat in his chair with teacher proximity only. No physical prompts to stay in his chair or use his fork were needed today, which is a HUGE improvement from yesterday. We didn't have any crying during lunch or refusal of the tray, etc... He slept hard again today during nap and we used a weighted blanket again to help meet those sensory needs to rock and pulse. He appears to like deep pressure. After nap, he folded every blanket in the room like a pro! His new job is going to be the blanket folder b/c he did it so well and was very adamant about getting all the blankets folded and put away :) Overall, he showed remarkable improvement over yesterday and yesterday was a great first day, so you guys should be proud of how well and FAST he's adjusted to school.

Day 3 - 9/14/2011

Ian had an even more fabulous day today than yesterday, so I'm really not
sure where we're going to be able to go from here! :) His independence
grows more each day with every activity we do. He played in centers today
with the microwave, food, dress up clothes (he put every piece of clothing
we had on his body at the same time including a hat) and blocks. He stayed
in the play center for almost 10 minutes without anyone prompting him or
directing him to. We haven't added many other centers to his repertoire
yet, but will as he understands the system of waiting until he hears the
timer to change centers. He also did the computer again today and really
seems to enjoy it. He looks very closely at the screen and seems stimulated
by the animation he sees. During all of our group activities he sat in his
chair with Ms. Jody sitting a couple feet behind him in case he tried to
run away. He didn't. He participated and imitated me during each group
activity we did today.

During the motor room, he approached me and said something (I'm assuming he
wanted me to tickle him b/c that's what I was doing to the other students)
so I chased him and tickled him and he played this game for a few minutes
before going back in the balls. He is already imitating the other students
and what they do b/c a couple of them starting throwing balls at each other
and he joined right in :)

Lunch time was a total non issue today. He asked for his milk and drank it
by himself. He waited for his lunch tray with no crying and when it was
given to him, he ate his food with a fork- independently. Jody and I
weren't sitting by or next to him, but were watching him from across the
table. He ate the bites we cut up and didn't stuff too much (but did a
little).

Overall, he has adjusted to our classroom wonderfully and has already
become part of us. It's like he's been here since August and is even
following our routine better than some of his more "experienced" peers :)

IAN IS LOVING! with fervor too! We have gone from a little boy who could not tolerate us touching him AT ALL in April 2011, to a little boy who COMES TO US to give hugs, to ask to be picked up, to give kisses, and to show his brother concern and affection. Ian is so smart, it is really mind blowing. There is no way he should have been behind these gates, where Heidi is now, and 70 other little slowly dying souls screaming to be rescued. Soon it will be cold in Russia again, for many months, and Heidi will stand at these gates, hoping for a chance to be on the other side, like Ian and Anya are now. Don't think Heidi needs you to help her emerge from this place? Please, I beg you to think again. These kiddos DO lose their families when all of the money cannot be raised. It happened to sweet VIKA this year, and it can happen to Heidi too, so please donate to the Peterson's now while it is fresh on your mind and while you are happy to see how well Ian is doing after leaving the orphanage.

Ian and Ari have really begun to gel as brothers. Ian's lack of speech has little impact on his ability to show love and request affection from all of us. Ian and Ari hold hands, and they even hug one another spontaneously! One of the MOST heart warming anecdotes yet on this topic was from this week. As you know, the impact of bringing another child home on Ari has been my BIGGEST worry! I was outside working on the curb appeal of our front yard, when Craig texted me to sneak into the house to see something amazing. We had put the boys to bed, or so we thought. For some time before I was alerted to the happenings a foot in their room, Ian and Ari were getting out of bed and playing with the toys in their room, which the larger lights and sounds cars and planes and the like, are stacked on top of their toy and clothing organizers. There is a red leather chair in the room too, kind of near the toy bins. I snuck up the stairs that night and they were each, in a repeating patters of doing so, getting out of bed, running around the chair and then activating each toy in sequence, running back into their beds, laughing, and then doing it again - in the DARK! Baaa ha ha ha!! It was the FUNNIEST thing!

During all of that, which we allowed to freely continue for about an hour before we had to shut it down and strongly encourage them go so sleep, Craig turned the light on without warning on them and what he saw just made the TEARS stream down my face. They were BOTH seated on that little red leather chair (which means they where squished together), HUGGING one another and laughing. AHHH - there it was - confirmation in a way, that at some point here, it IS all going to be okay for our sweet boy ARI. It was SO what I needed to know, to see and feel from all of this. The doom and gloom and the utter fear and desperation of the first week is lifting to reveal something beyond our means to construct. God has shown up in our house, big time.

IAN IS BEHAVING! making progress each and every day! We have been on several outings for fun, and doing the things that comprise normal everyday living, with more and more ease and possibilities each day. While we have kept the visiting of others to a minimum to make sure Ian attaches to us and understands we are HIS family, and not every stranger on the street, he has been to my office at work and of course, now to school AND to daycare afterwards. He has shown such wonderful adaptability and is learning to end and begin activities without throwing a fit.

One of our first big deal outings was to a petting zoo that was about a 45 min. drive from our home. This was his first LONG car ride and being out in the community where rules for behavior HAD to be enforced, and frankly, to a place where there were lots of other people who could all SEE us. Well people, HE LOVED IT! We had to hold his hand most of the time as his impulse control is still kind of non-existant (i.e., mini fits are thrown at the SITE of things that look like he wants to go for or at or do), however he FED the goats and cow like it was old home week! We had a 6 pound bucket of feed and the kid went bizerk with it! He tried to eat some too, but fast realized it was not for human consumption LOL.

Ian dived right in and was feeding all of the animals!

Ari had a little aversion to the animals eating feed off of his hands but he liked it and wanted to keep doing it as long as we helped him.

When I say he dived right in, I mean that literally too! if he could have jumped into the feed bucket himself he would have!

We've gone from this, which is BTW the most difficult thing we deal with - UTTER CUTENESS while being very naughty!! This is Ian's look after he has been naughty or not gotten his way and had a mini-fit. On this occasion, he was being naughty on purpose with an item and got it taken away after multiple directions to stop his behavior. We are in SO much trouble with that kid! He's got the pouty face an angel! LOL.

To much more of this...

I was able to take Ian to Ari's school for Shabatt Sing (Ari's attends a Jewish Preschool that is AWESOME!) Ian was imitating the Rabi during a song! He was really pretty good on this day, except for figuring out that the theater seats sprung up and down and he could fold his limber little self up in them and then laugh hysterically during complete theater silence!

What was not so long ago - screaming, crying, defying every single thing, hitting, pushing, being ugly, refusing to eat, refusing to walk and on and on.....is now at a low hum each day, and that is for sure beyond our means to MAKE happen. Ian is doing it, and he appears to want to be better, to be a strong little man who see's and understands what life is outside of all he has ever known. You cannot MAKE a child do anything, they have to want to do it and that is our goal, that Ian will come to recognize the intrinsic "wanna be a KID" and do kid stuff thing that has laid dormant in him because he never had the opportunity to just, be a child. Yes there are rules to living and getting along in a family, but they are all meant for good, and when they are followed, doors open to many options. It has not even been a month, ask yourself how amazing Ian is, go ahead, ask, we cannot even quantify it.

IAN IS GETTING BETTER! and stronger too!

Ian has been to a few more doctors appointments and had his first round of blood testing come back to us. His pediatrician again proved herself wonderful by calling us after hours to go over all of his tests and our plan for care. He will need more vaccinations, but we saved him from 5 shots by doing the blood testing for antibodies. He has some sort of something else happening with his white blood cells but she ASSURED me that was NOT a pre-cursor to Leukemia (which children with Down Syndrome are at a higher risk for development of) and that we need not take any course of action for. He will need another blood draw and round of labs because the lab failed to do three important tests, not cool. He has seen the urologist and yes, he will need some surgery there, it is 1 day in patient only because of his heart condition, otherwise it would be outpatient. We are going to and can, wait until after Christmas for that surgery to occur. In Feb. we will know more about his heart surgery and thanks for a friend, I now know that it might not be open heart, and maybe they can do it with a small incision! Yea for medical advancements!

In the next two weeks we have eyes and teeth and then brain stuff in October. His rash is gone and he's not itching, the scabies are gone and he is eating very well. He's getting heavier (yeah!) and his bones are sinking into him so that you cannot feel or see them so readily. He still falls a lot when he runs and bangs his head because he's not looking and has NO fear of anything. Teeth brushing requires a wrestling type grip on him, but we are holding out hope that both of our boys will get better at this sensory nightmare that is the sonicare toothbrush!

WE ARE BECOMING A FAMILY! a new normal is starting to settle in!