Days 9 - 11: Ready

Monday night I had a plan. It worked to help me get through these last 24 hours here. The plan was to tire Ian out so much so that he would just pass out and go to sleep, and sleep past 6:00 am.

Sunday afternoon, when I got back from a much needed break, where in the other Luda was here with our Luda, babysitting Vasya, I could hear him yelling when I was coming up the steps. BTW, Luda was replaced by an English speaking sitter and she's been great.

Oye.

Since Sasha was gone, I had a hard time figuring out what happened. From what I gather, he was good for a while and then started testing the two grandmas. He won, obviously.

Smart kid.

Anyhow, I know him a bit by now and I know that he knows he was acting very badly (the whole yelling and screaming stomping thing), and then he threw food. Awesome.

What happens in your house when someone who knows better throws food? In our house, even if it does happen to be located in Moscow right now, you go to bed without your dinner if its dinner time, and if its during the day, you clean it up and spend some time in time out. Ian eats delicious food all day long so please don't comment about with holding dinner. I then got on google translate and Luda helped me learn some critical commands that I will need going forward with him. He has taken full advantage of the Babushku situation as well as my inability to speak Russia. Ian is small for his age but that is in no way an indicator of his functional age. He functions in self help skills like an 8 year old American kid. He can do mostly everything for himself, and not too shabbily either.

Smart kid.

While we were doing that, Ian came out into the hallway, pointing at the kitchen, asking for dinner. Again, Google translate to the rescue, I explained to him (through Luda) what he needs to do and he indicated he understood (no screaming, yelling, throwing food, etc..). I (through Luda) then told him if he threw food at table again, he would go straight back to bed without it. Same thing for yelling and screaming.

Guess who ate like an angel? Didn't make a peep, clam and collected.

Smart kid.

I did put him back to bed because he was tired and I know that was adding to his apparent susceptibility to melting down. He's very very committed once he gets into his misbehavior. None of this is his fault and I do not treat him like it is, however I do expect him to behave appropriately in those areas which I have confirmed that he is able to understand how to do, and that has had to start from Day 1, or Craig and I and Ari will be in a great deal of distress for a long time. Ian will be fine, I am confident of that, he understands everything that is said to him in Russian and he even knows what I am saying when I use gestures and model for him. HE KNOWS what he is doing, and that is half the battle.

I am certain at the orphanage, he and the other kids played the rotating caregivers against one another, learning which one would allow what, looking for openings to do tom foolery, etc...I mean if they had him on lock down at the orphanage, they would have never told me to be firm with him or he would take the place apart.

This is definitely tough love for me. Oh its so hard because I do feel so bad for him. I do want him to be happy all of the time but that is simply not how it will go at home and going forward. To make him think that, to pacify him and not to parent him would be, in my estimation, a grave mistake for all of us. Think I'm exaggerating? Just LOOK at this face! It's SO hard to make him tow the line of mom's expectations (and trust me, I'm the softy of the pair of Craig and I, and I don't expect or even look for perfection).




Ian is learning to be a child. It's very heartwarming to watch. He is learning to PLAY in the tub. First up: Slashing the water is OKAY to do, go at it, have FUN! I imagine splashing was forbidden at the orphanage to avoid total chaos at group bath time.




I'm actually glad that this, if it had to happen, happened now and not on the plane where I could have done nothing about it (see, I'm predicting he'll be a star on the plane, I have to think positive right!?). By the time we leave on WEDNESDAY, he should be good to go for the trip home.

He will have to learn all about regulating his emotions, that is a part of the orphanage behavior. Even if he was never an orphan, he could be acting like this, I've seen my Ari have mini-meltdowns when he's off his routine and for Ian, little guy, BAM, his while life changed. He's missed an awful, awful lot of learning time and love. Funny thing though, I don't think he misses the orphanage AT ALL. He seemed and seems READY for all of this as much as he could be. I'm happy for him about that. It's almost like he knew that there was something else. He walks the streets with me dumbfounded at the buildings, the people, the cars, the everything. He laughs purposely when we do something like sit down at a cafe, he points to some food, and they bring it to him and set it in front of him!

Oh yeah, you caught that huh? That's right, we ARE leaving tomorrow morning at 5:30 am, 2 days early! It's only money, and if I can save him and I some challenges here, I think it is best to come home early. I thought not but then seeing him struggling here (and me too), I feel it is best to get him home and into the new normal routine as soon as I can so that we don't reinforce this other stuff that is by default factors of traveling. Heck, I don't think Ari would be perfect given the amount of change involved in this many day bringing home process.

Russia really makes it difficult in terms of the adoption process. I think more kids would be being rescued from here if the travel was not so insane. It breaks you, not just financially, but physically too, three trips here in 5 months time is really hard on a family.

On Monday we walked to Red Square, at night. It was awesome. I wanted Ian to go to sleep without any issues so we walked and walked (it's about a 20 min. brisk walk from Nastia's apartment). He saw the famous Guum mall all in lights, and Red Square at night is something I had never experienced before. We did some gift shopping at Gumm and then grabbed a taxi home. I would have taken the Metro but I'm not totally confident that Ian would not freak out and I'd have no way out of there with him.




Okay, so he wanted me to pick him up so I could not get him to stand on the pavement so I could take a picture LOL, he's so lovey now it's a real blessing. Before he would resist being picked up like crazy but now he likes it. He learns fast. He LIKES affection. Thank Goodness, the damage done from being an orphan looks like maybe it won't be too too bad.




By the way, my night plan worked and he was like butter in my lap in the cab home. He normally will NOT sit in my lap (another foreign concept to him). Bed and bath was easy pieces:)




I had been to Red Square earlier that day and took some pictures. The moment I stood in the same place I had stood 23 years ago on the International Peace Walk from Odessa to Kiev and then on to Moscow, I just began to cry. It was a combination of the gradually more difficult this trip has become, the deep sinking in of the orphan crisis that I (and I know Craig too), have felt and come to realize over the last 13 months of the adoption of Ian, memories of August 1988 in Red Square when Russia was still under Communist rule and the police presence felt SO different, being at my friends home with Ian and she is not there, having a tough time with our Moscow adoption agency team, and finally maybe, wishing Ari was with me to see it all. I miss him greatly. My mother told me that he told her he does not want mommy or daddy to go away anymore.























This is Lenin's Tomb. Last time I was in Red Square, it was guarded 24 hours a day by a trio of military guards, in the same vein as the tomb of the unknown solider in the United States. You can visit but not on Mondays.




If you are lucky, you can meet the President of Russia too!




When I entered Red Square, the cross atop this church blinded my eyes. I felt like God was trying to get my attention, to remind me that he called me to this and I CAN do this and it's almost over, at least this part. Don't miss the moments, that is the title of one of my favorite songs. So, I had a nice time on my walk around the square.





This is Guum. Last time I was here, these buildings were all government buildings. Now they have all be refurbished so to speak, and the place is IMMACULATE. ALL of the stores are designer. It's really one of the most beautiful malls I have ever been in. I was debating on a purchase since before I came for this trip, some clothing from Bosco, the makers of the Russian Olympic team clothing. The knock off versions are reasonable but NO where near the same thing. Bosco is not cheap.

Eat the cookies, buy the shoes. If you know that reference then you'll get that I did make a purchase at Bosco. It was the ONE thing I got for myself in THREE trips to Russia, a country that I have loved for 24 years and where I left my heart when I was 18 years old. It was on sale, half off. You'll just have to wait and see what it is:)




Craig, doesn't this look familiar?




Here are three pictures for daddy, things we saw on our walk that you would have stopped to look at:




I guess that is the engine that is in this car.




ALL the while I am here, away from my home, I am thinking of and missing my bear, by boo, my bug, my pumpkin, my buddy, my son ARI.

Ari hs been though the ringer with this adoption too. Craig and I were able to t ake him the first time to Russia and that was great for him. This time, and the 2nd trip, he's been under the care of a cadre of people from grandmothers to hired, wonderful help. This trip, both Craig and I were gone over a period of 4 days that overlapped our trips. Ari wakes up and one parent, or both are gone, and then they magically reappear. When Craig came home this last time, Ari told him not to leave him again.

Heartbreaking. Ari's 5th brithday is coming up soon and its going to be special. We have rented a jumpy-bouncy place, the whole place, so Ari can run free and not worry about people that don't watch thier own children. It will be filled with his friends and ours, and I am looking forward to the focus being on ARI for a day, since for the last year plus, its been mostly on Ian. The theme is Carnival, so woo hoo, time for some BIG FUN!

So, this is my last post from Moscow, and from Russia. Today (Tuesday) we went to the US embassy and breezed through that process. $400 bucks for Ian's VISA, $150 to fast track his passport for departure tomorrow, and $160 bucks to even up with the driver through drop off at the airport tomorrow. We leave at 5:30 am.

It was $550.00 to change our tickets. PRICELESS to be going home.

I cannot tell you ALL, even though I could not respond to each comment or message, how thankful I have been to know that you all care about us over here and I read all of the comments and I have really been helped by them all. I know your prayers have gotten us through this trip. It's almost over.

I can't wait to post that we are HOME.



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Location:Moscow, Russia