Sorry this post is late, it was such a whirlwind from the time we left the hotel on Thursday morning until right at this very moment, as we have just begun to cross the Atlantic Ocean towards home, I have not had time to blog, or look at pictures, or to even really let it all sink in that Ian is finally coming home.
It has been just over a year for us
It has been 5 years and 5 months for him
He has never lived, not as an infant or otherwise, in a home
It has been 5 years and 5 months for him
He has never lived, not as an infant or otherwise, in a home
change is once again in the air
As a kind of an OCD mom, my brain is already swirling. You take classes, you read blogs, people share stories, and you have your own thoughts – about this next step. I'm happy to be sure, elated really, but the planning mill is already churning at triple speed in my mind.
Ian is coming home
It is wonderful, glorious, a miracle
There is much to be done
It is wonderful, glorious, a miracle
There is much to be done
This adoption has been an awesome journey so far. So many ups and downs, so many friends made, and even some lost, because we chose adoption, and so much work. We are forever changed, and the end result of that, as the legal process is about concluded, is nothing but a good thing that we are so, so grateful for. Craig and I are better people, better parents to Ari, and better follows of God – as a DIRECT result of going through an international special needs orphan adoption.
WE WOULD NOT TRADE everything we have been through, because part of what you learn is that it is all preparation for what is ahead. We are not expecting that this next part will be EASY. We didn’t ask for easy, we asked for a personal relationship with Christ that was emotional, spiritual, REAL to US, and that we could walk out in our EVERYDAY lives. This road to Ian, to God, this one is ending in a way, to reveal a new one. Who knows what is in store for us next? God does and I promise you that if you give him the map, the wheel, the compas, you will arrive in places you never thought existed or that were possible, where love, faith, hope and peace come together in a real way.
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Thursday morning, after not a whole bunch of sleep (our bed at the hotel was so terrible that we could hardly move after day 2, it was as hard as sleeping on the floor and we have been in very serious back pain since then, making it hard to sleep), we got up and got ready for court day. We knew it would be a long day, as our appointed court time was not until 2:00 pm and we had to do some paperwork at the Russian notary first.
We enjoyed a little breakfast, where I promptly spilled a full glass of orange juice all over the table AND my folder of papers for court, including my speech. Luckily, a major disaster was averted and all papers were readable, but it was safe to say that my nerves were starting to surface.
This whole time since we came back from meeting Ian and then were actually issued a court date, I have managed to keep my nerves at a level kind of controlled calm. Our daily lives are pretty busy and pretty structured given Ari’s therapy schedule and until now, all of the adoption paperwork appointments.
My stomach I think, has been the secret hiding place of all the stress that I could not have coming to the surface each day and wreaking havoc all over the house. I’ll admit it, I can have a spaz in a heartbeat, and that is not good for relationships of any kind. I have gotten SO MUCH better, in great deal because of this adoption rollercoaster but, I still have my moments when I just want to blow a gasket!
At 10:30 am the Clarks and Craig and I all piled into the van and headed towards the unknown! Hysterically, the tension was quickly broken as the sound track to Star Wars started playing on Russian radio! We all split a gut laughing and then joked around about the “force being with us!” Then, to further make us all laugh hysterically, the next song to play was an older Kenny G ballad. John Clark piped up saying that the song was the exact one from the first birthing class he and Nina attended when they were expecting their first child! Baa, ha, ha, ha! How funny is that! On the way to ask for another child to be born into their family, the song burned into his mind from one of their other children's births was playing on Russian radio. Lightened the mood for certain, very funny stuff!
As the morning went on, my attempts to control those nerves of mine kept lessening. We visited the notary office, which is an excruciatingly long process here in Russia, and costs a small fortune because, while the notary does her usual thing, there is another person seated next to her that WRITES OUT BY HAND, the entire contents of EACH document you are notarizing. Yeah. While you sit there in that small office, just you, the notary, the ancient transcriptionist, and your facilitator, you have LOTS of time to think about what is coming next.
A hearing in a foreign court of law where you do not speak nor understand the language or the customs of court, and where there is a State PROSECUTOR that will question you and could object to you adoption, ending it all right there. So, I was able to sit and chew on all of that for the hour it took to notarize two documents. Awesome. Since we were there with the Clark family, I also got to then go sit in the hallway and stew on it for another hour while they got their documents notarized.
When we were done, we stopped in an adjoining Russian cafe for a coffee. I had to go back to the van and get some money. I also changed my shoes from heels to flip flops – I crave comfort! When I came back into the cafe, my eyes were focused on finding John and Nina and our facilitator so I totally missed the GIANT 4 inch thick piece of METAL bar that was sticking up in the doorway and TRIPPED over it, flailing and nearly falling hands first into the restaurant. Awesome. I stubbed by big toe so hard that I was sure it was broken and bleeding under the table. The pain was IMMENSE. Hello again nerves!
Before I get into this post any further, let me clarify something so that you understand why I am saying “I” for most of this, and not “we” meaning Craig and I. I am adopting Ian as a single parent. Craig and I are not married. There are several reasons why we chose to move forward this way, and not wait until we were married to start the process for Ian. In a nut shell, we would have been too late to save Ian, and, we did not think it would have been a favorable condition for us to be brand newly married, in the eyes of the court. In MANY countries, couples need to have been married for a certain length of time before they can adopt. In Haiti, that length of time is TEN years! In any event, even though Craig has been through every step and subject to many of the procedures and requirements as I have, he was not allowed into the courtroom and it was I alone that had to make the speech (usually the husband does it) and then stand tall while the judge examined.
Craig was right outside, but I stood there alone, and I was literally shaking as I was asked in by the court reporter. By now, it was 3:30 pm. Why was Ian’s case heard late you ask? Oh – funny story....
I love HOW and WHERE and with WHOM, God chooses to show up.
The Courthouse
After a while, the people for the Clark’s hearing began to show up. There were some tense talks between our facilitator and them, and the Clarks got some last moment news about the rules of their daughters orphanage that would impact their travel to bring her home. I was listening intently because at first, Nina and I had thought we could travel together to come back and get the kids, sharing costs and supporting each other for the two weeks or longer that it will take to get Ian and Elizabeth out of Russia. To end your suspense, it will not be possible for us to travel together. BOO!
Anyway, and here is where God just passed through that small hallway at the courthouse, right in front of our faces. Remember the teenager with the Marley shirt on? Marley is Ari’s middle name by the way. Well, our facilitator asked him a question. I think she wanted to know if he knew who was inside the courtroom because our court translator was not there yet and it was fast approaching the 2:00 hour when the Clarks would be called. They spoke and then she pointed Craig and I out to him – he smiled, BIG. I was like – huh? Then, she said to us, “this boy is going to Atlanta.”
At that moment my brain sputtered and fired and then bam, I realized that I KNEW that young man!!!! His presence there was NOT random after all, and he was far from being in trouble for something. A few months ago we got a donation to our adoption from a couple that lives about 20 min. from us, Ashley and EJ Bowen. I do my level best to send a personal email to every single person that donates to us, no matter if it is $1.00 or $1,000.00, or their time or even a good wish via email, it is just something I have to do. Some people respond back, some don’t. Ashley Bowen however, did respond back. She told me a little bit about their own story, which included an adoption journey – to Russia. She gave me their blog address. I checked it out, the pictures, etc...got the gist of the story, they had done a hosting program for Russian orphans last summer. The kids come for a few months, the family pays the way, etc....the choose a kid that had been passed over three times (for three years) by families before them. The just felt CALLED to him.
...and then, on the same day, at the same time, in the same small dank hallway in a Russia courtroom in St. Petersburg, THEY HE WAS. Inside the courtroom, were Ashley and EJ Bowen, pleading to make Sergey their FIRST child! When I fully realized it, I was ecstatic! I hope Sergey didn’t think I was weird! I was smiling at him all goofy and asking him if the Bowen’s were inside, etc...and they were! Just a few moments later they emerged from the court room, Ashley was in tears, they were happy tears, their application to adopt Sergey had been approved, he is coming home to Atlanta, not far from us, in a few weeks.
When Ashley came out, I just looked at her and said, Ashley?” and she nodded and we hugged. We made dinner plans and then they were gone and not long after, the mood changed once again. Ya’ll – still, wasn’t that AMAZING that we would be there with them, meet Sergey, and witness their finalization? We could not meet back home, we live 20 min. from each other, but God gave us a chance to meet in St. Petersburg, on the same day and with the same judge, as we pleaded for the kids we love so much.
The Clark’s went in, I strained to listen, the walls are thin! Our facilitator put her ear to the door to try and determine how it was going. All the while, I felt only a little bit nervous. I had planned to read, word for word, all 25 pages of our homestudy, before court, so I would know it all cold. That never happened, I skimmed it but, you would be amazed at how the time goes when you are in country, and the exhaustion is profound, plus our bed issues, it all just made it hard to do all that we had planned to do. It's not a vacation, to be sure.
The Clark’s came out, they had been approved! Nina was crying, and another round of hugs were given.
Then it was my turn, ALONE. Don’t get me wrong, lots of single mothers adopt from Russia, but not since that single mother from the United States, who was a teacher, returned her adopted son to Russia on the plane ALONE. I was presenting to this court as a single parent, a teacher, wanting a son. OH LORD HELP ME SPEAK RIGHT! The court reporter ushered me in. At that exact moment, I FREAKED OUT! I began to shake, my hands would not be still, my heart rate went through the ROOF! I was so flipping nervous.
The court room was NOTHING like our court rooms here in the US. First off, this one was TINY. Really, it was not even the size of our kitchen! There are two long benches at the back, then the judge sits up front and there was a table n the middle. It is split level, so you are lower then the judge, court reporter, and others. The prosecutor sits to the left. I was told that when I came into the court room, the translator would orientate me. NEVER HAPPENED! They were running late and I found out much later, that the judge had heard case after case since about 9:00 am. So, I think I was on the express train, but I didn’t know that then.
We got started right away. In the courtroom was me, the translator (did not know her, we just met that moment), Nina – Ian’s orphanage social director, the doctor from the orphanage, and the kind of precinct representative over Ian’s orphanage (never met her either), and what I thought was a court Bailiff lady.
The actual proceedings are really too long to detail, but I will give a short synopsis in bullet points. It all took exactly one hour.
• Judge enters, all stand, then all be seated
• Case is announced, all persons present sign privacy notice, this is a closed hearing
• I say my name, address and birth date for the court
• I give my speech! Not memorized, read aloud, three pages, stopping every sentence or so for translation, meanwhile judge glances up at me, but spends her time looking through my file, I see her looking intently at the pictures of our home and our time with Ian
• The judge begins to ask me questions and I answer. She stays on the issue of behavior for some time – How will I discipline Ian? Will I use physical punishment? What if I loose my job tomorrow? What if Ian can never live on his own? Why do you want a child with Down Syndrome?
• Next, the Social Director from orphanage, the same one that LIVES ACROSS the STREET from where we stayed at the Marco Polo hotel (yeah – another amazing thing) spoke, she gave Ian’s history and then said, “Here, in Russia, he has no future.” She said it twice, she almost cried.
See? On the left here is our hotel and there, on the right, behind the grey sign is the apartment building of Nina, the social director of Ian's orphanage
• Then, the orphanage Doctor spoke. She stunned me with her speech. She told the judge that Russia should hire ME to work with the State to provide education instruction to caregivers on how to teach children with special needs. My mouth dropped to the floor! She then gave Ian’s detailed history and medical information.
• Next, the precinct person spoke. She again gave Ian’s history and then talked about our visits with Ian. She said she supported the adoption.
• Finally, the Bailiff, the woman who I watched pick at her nails and smile at me the whole time, stood up – TO SPEAK! Uhhh – she was not the Bailiff after all, but the PROSECUTOR! She again went over Ian's history and then she stated she supported the request for adoption! Yeah! This was big because in recent months, there have been horror stories about the prosecutors in Russian courts for American families adoption kids with Down Syndrome. This was a big hurdle.
• The judge left the courtroom and then as soon as the door was shut and before all of our behinds hit the seat, she came back in, read her decision, and it was over, Vasya became our son in that moment in time.
We all walked out, I thanked everyone and then another round of hugs were given. It was a good day.
Ian's new mama and papa!
Me, Elena, and Nina Clark
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We went back to our hotel, said farewell to our facilitator, and got ready to go and meet the Bowen’s for dinner in downtown at the same, really good, Chinese restaurant we had dinner with the Hook family during our April trip to Russia.
We took the subway again and it was again, easy pieces.
Entrance to the subway
The Russian subways are the deepest underground in the world
Along the way, I took some last pictures
This is my favorite coffee spot, although take out is not appreciated
McDonald's, never tried it, never will
KFC, took this picture for Craig
The "moo" car as we came to call it, took this picture for Ari:)
Ashley Bowen and I on Nevsky Prospect
After dinner, we went back to the hotel, made some Skype calls, packed, and got ready to leave at 2:45 am for our 6:00 am flight to Germany. Here, you have to leave the island we stayed on before 3:10 am or else all of the bridges letting you off the island are UP! and you are stuck! Boris picked us all up as the Clarks were heading out to.
The bridges leading to and from Vasileovsky Island, where we usually stay
On our drive out of the city to the airport
The Hermitage at night
As we stepped up to the Luftsana counter, I sprang the fun surprise I had waiting on Craig.
We were not going home – yet!
Next stop, and tomorrows post – Paris!
Next stop, and tomorrows post – Paris!
For a celebration of our new son Ian, a top the Eiffel Tour!
Bon Soir!
Bon Soir!
