One Week Home

Today, Ian has been home for one week.

It seems like much, much longer.

Everything is NOT how I ever pictured it. Some is MUCH better than we thought, and some is MUCH worse than we thought.

The important thing to keep in mind is that

WE DID IT

we answered God's calling, Ian is safe, he will not die alone within the year of neglect and starvation in a lifeless and cold institution.

He will live.

He seems very happy.

Praising Jesus.

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There are a list of things we are SO thankful for, and a list of things we could for sure do without. I promised myself that I would never post that things were honky dorrie when they weren't. After some time to think about it this past week, I do feel like it is very important to write about what really happens when you finally get home, but to be frank again, I'm so darn tired and now I have a cold that is seeping the life out of me, I couldn't begin to tactfully share the hard stuff even if I wanted to.

Before we committed to adopting Ian, I read, for a long time, MANY many blogs from other families that were adopting children from Eastern Europe with special needs. It was the reading of these families stories and experiences that helped me understand that adopting Ian was going to be hard, but DOABLE.

This week has been very HARD for all of us, and DOABLE too. We are still here, and things are getting better. I look forward to the day we have a new normal that we can all count on.

I'm not totally certain how to write this post, I have a plethora of things swirling in my head, some so great you'll cry, some so downright ugly I should just keep them to myself. Yeesh, I need a moderator! I just want to really update you on how things are going here, and as for all of the emotions and hard stuff, I will spare you the details, just know that coming home is a whole NEW challenge with things that are harder then the entire 14 month adoption process ever was.

Ian is loved, that is for sure, there is no other way we could do this.

******

So, how is Ian doing?

• Ian came home with scabies and we are on our second and prayerfully last application of the full body cream to rid us (yes, I got them too from being near him) of these pesky and disgusting mirco bugs;

• Ian developed a whole body rash between the time I removed him from the orphanage until today, he is on an oral medication for that, it seems to be clearing and none of us have gotten the same thing so that is a blessing;

• Ian has seen the Cardiologist, Dr. V. I got all of Ian's physicians on referral from a number of parents with children with Down Syndrome. I can say that Dr. V. is all that he was said to be and I love him already. He was kind and did not talk at all over my head, as all of this is totally new ground for us. Ian's open heart surgery as an infant to repair a Ventral Septal Defect or VSD, went very well in Russia, according to Dr. V, and we will never have to worry about that repair. Ian however, in the other chamber of his sweet little heart, has a problem. He has a Mitral Valve Prolapse of the, right now, moderate to severe nature. Ian will have to have open heart surgery to repair the valves in his heart that are allowing blood to leak backwards into a place in his heart where it should not be, another name for this is regurgitation. At this time, Ian will be watched by us at home for things like increased tiredness, sweating and other things. In 6 months he will have another echocardiogram to determine how the prolapse is progressing, and that will give us a better idea of when he will face surgery. There is a possibility he may also need to be placed on heart medication before the surgery is needed, but again, that will depend upon his observed disposition and the 6 month visit. We are hopeful that Ian will be fine in the future. As would any parent, the thought of open heart surgery on a 5 year old, makes me wanna cry and be overcome with worry. Yes, we could lose Ian on the operating table. God knows already what will happen so I can find some sliver of Peace in that my worry would not change the outcome. We find hope in that this particular repair of the heart has a great, over 90 percent, success rate. If the repair of the natural valve does not work, it can also be replaced by a metal valve. That would not be the optimal choice however as that would then limit Ian's lifestyle to run and play and do all those things little boys love to do. He would be on medication for life too, if that became the road we had to walk. Doing nothing about the prolapse is not an option, he heart would eventually become enlarged and he would die. Just keeping it real.

• Yep, it is a lot to deal with in the first week, but I would much rather have it all laid out for us now, than later. There will be a financial impact here, as there are not many types of health insurances that pay 100 percent of anything anymore. I know many of you love Ian,and many of you have prayed for him and followed him well before we even began his adoption process. I have created a chip-in that will run from now until Ian's heart surgery is complete. Should you want to donate to the costs we will encounter, please feel free. This money will remain in his open heart surgery fund and only be used for that purpose when the time comes. The chip-in is also located at the top right of this blog and the code may be shared if you would like to help spread the word on your own blog. I looked up an estimate of the cost of mitral valve repair and with our 10% co-payment, we are looking at a cost of $5,000.00 out of pocket given no complications. We are not ASKING for donation, we just know that some people have already ASKED US how they can help, and we greatly appreciate the forethought and the care and concern for Ian and our family as we attempt to meet all of his medical needs and recover financially from the adoption journey.

• Ian has seen his new Primary care Pediatrician, Dr. A. I also found Dr. A through referrals and a process of BEGGING her to take Ian since her practice is closed to new patients. She did so and I am glad, I like her and she is very competent and thorough. Ian has come in on the US Down Syndrome growth charts at the 40th percentile for weight and the 50th for height, which is pretty darn good considering he has been lacking all of the things that contribute to a child growing healthily. Ian got 4 shots yesterday to help get him up to date on immunizations. They are required for him to enroll in school here, which we will be doing tomorrow. He did get a low grade fever from the shots, but seems to be handeling it well. He screamed like a banshi during the shots, which all came right after the other, it was HARD to hold him still but the nurse was great. I really hate having to watch my little children get shots. I remember being so afraid of them until later in adulthood. He will be facing more shots soon. Bummer. So that our friend TESNEY DAVIS does not feel all alone, we are also in the throws of a fecal study to make sure Ian has not brought any parasitical visitors to our home and our bodies (w0nderful). No words.

• Today, Ian and I will venture to see Dr. B, eye specialist. Tomorrow, a hearing test and then next week urology and neurology followed lastly by the dentist. My entire FMLA is being used to get him well and on the right track, and so adopting families where both parents work, please be ready to have one stay home for at least a month to get all of the first appointments in.

• Ian is itching to attend school. He CRIES and KICKS and refuses to move when we drop Ari off at school each morning. Yesterday, because he's so so fast on his feet, he made it almost to Ari's classroom's circle time in the morning, shoes off and all! Ian will start out attending our local elementary school, in the special needs Kindergarten class which is small and self-contained. His IEP meeting in tomorrow morning along with registration. No worries, I am an IEP expert, it is my field so Ian will have a solid IEP with all of the necessary services and I am sure, since they remember me from Ari's meeting this summer, they will be ready to present their level best! Ian will ride the special needs schoolbus in the morning, which is great for us, it will come to the front door for him and a para is on board to get him all buckled into the carseat on the bus. School starts at 8:50 am. Then, in the afternoons, he will be walked to the daycare bus and dropped off at the daycare we contract with. We are visting the 4 choices this week, Primrose School, Kindercare, Today's Kids, and Kindercare. The prices are reasonable so we should be good in terms of having full time school and care for 2 kids with special needs. I'm voting for Today's Kids because I've driven past it a hundred times and I like the playground. Ian loves playgrounds!

• Out in public, Ian is doing remarkable well. He is CALM most of the time and really only refuses to walk by pulling me or Craig the opposite direction of where we need to be going, or by starting to whine and cry. He is tolerating his 5 point harness on the carseat well too, I guess he has figured out that he cannot get out of it no matter what he does.

• At home, things are coming along, but we are dealing with some behaviors in Ari that we have never seen, and so my heart is hurting for my little boy. He likes Ian, so that is not the issue. Ian is very defiant, he is also very smart. He has come from a place where hitting and pushing were okay, and likely the only way he had to defend himself or his food, as he does not speak more than three words in Russian. At home, that is not allowed. Ian struggles with that expectation, and with most expectations actually. He is not totally uncivilized, but he does at times appear to be so. We have had to leave public places because of his behavior. Ian's relationship with me is not the same as it is with Craig, and that is also causing some issues. I was with him alone for two weeks before we came home, and he and I had to get some ground rules for life in Russia. Craig and he are just starting that process, plus Ian is not at all used to a man in his daily life, they were rare at the orphanage. Being home all day with Ian, and then having to help Ari compensate for his loss all night ling, is VERY exhausting. Plus, I came down with a pretty bad summer cold and so I am sick, going on 3 days now and no end in sight. Awesome. Ian was up at 3:00 am for a while and now he's up before 6 every morning, still trying to get on that EST clock. That is hard. It truly is like having a new baby at home.

• We are trying to get into a routine, but until Ian starts school, I think we will continue to struggle here at home for some return to sanity. No regrets, although I do want people to know that there is no way we can do this without God and a faith that surpasses what we can try to understand. This IS too hard for me, I admit it, but it is not to hard for God, and I know that he has never and will never leave my side, and that is how I eek out some peace in all of this. I am working on releasing the HEAVY feelings of guilt and sadness I have for my Ari, he is hurting, he cries, he cries for me, he is being naughty at school, he is changing, and I do not like it. I feel like it is all my fault, like I have ruined his life by bringing Ian here. That is the just what the devil will have be spend my heart on too, and because I am aware that negative thinking can result in negative living, I am trying to let those thoughts go. If I had had a new baby myself, this would all likely be happening with Ari anyway, so that is how I try to rationalize it. We always wanted Ari to have a sibling and as an only child, I do not think that is always such a great thing. I wish now, so badly, that I had siblings. Ari is showing grace though this, please pray for HIS peace and transition during this time.

• As for Craig and I, we are running on absolute fumes. The exhaustion is severe. We look forward to a time when there will be calm again in the house and a routine and having energy again. Sleep is a commodity around here right now. We are SO tired, but we are thankful and recognize that we have been blessed in many ways and we will continue to show thanks to GOD for all we have and how we have been changed.

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Hope always remains when you look to God.

Our adventure to HOME, and other stories...

Luda was up early Wednesday morning, and I was up at 4:45 am. She had found, from somewhere in the house, a red Bosco Russia hat that she wanted to present to me, fur lined and all. She admired my Bosco shopping bag from the other day and so I am sure that is why she searched the house for something Bosco. I wonder whose hat she gave away! I snapped this last minute picture of Luda and Ian and then we were out the door, taking the first steps towards home.

Olga and Kostya were outside well before the scheduled pick up time. I don't think I mentioned that on Embassy day, the phone at Nastia's apartment was dead. I had been told the driver would come for us at 11:00. So naturally, I went downstairs at 11:00, where I promptly got semi-hollared at by Olga, who was all consternated that she could not (1) get the code that Luda gave her to work to open the downstairs door, and (2) that she could not get through to the house phone. She was like, "...well I never...I mean I have been calling you and calling you....you have made me so nervous...." and on an on. In my mind, I was like, "....LOL, and every single thing you have told me has been inconsistent, or a lie, or total BS...and well - I NEVER!" Oye.

After she stopped harping, we pulled off and settled in for the hour drive from downtown Moscow to Domodedov Airport. By 9:00 am we would be on our flight to Frankfurt. Praise Jesus! I was SO INCREDIBLY TIRED!
As for our little orphan no more, our little miracle boy Ian, he was also SO INCREDIBLY TIRED. He has never had to fall asleep in a car, or sitting up, so you won't be surprised that he does not know how to do that. Thus, the early am car ride was a bit of a struggle for him, he was intermittantly crytting and yelling and I was like, oh muh gosh, here we go, my WORST fears are about to be realized. He's going to freak out on the plane. Err, um and then he fell asleep in the car, 5 min. before we arrived. SUPER! I had to wake him up and he was NOT having it.

We got to the airport and I had this sickening feeling of elation that we were LEAVING and TERRIFICATION (is that a word? who cares, sounds good right there), that Ian was going to loose it on the plane ride home. I remember once when Ari was about a year old. He literally SCREAMED and CRIED the ENTIRE 2 and some hour plane ride from Ohio to Atlanta. He could not be consoled. It was a living nightmare, and I was having them sorta flashbacks people, of my next 16 hours to come.

We pulled up to Domodedov and Kostya and Olga helped me into the airport. OYE VEY! I am SO happy to be gone from under Olga's "care," if you can call it that. She is a fusser, and more often than not, her fussing made everything harder. At the airport she INSISTED on helping me put my bags onto the security belt at both check-in locations. This was NOT a help to me, it made it harder because she's like 60 or more in years and cannot and should not be lifting ANYTHING more than a bouquet of flowers.

Enter, a weight problem. They sent my first bag down the belt before they had weighed my second bag, so when the girl told me I needed to remove 2 kilo's from my bag or pay $150 EUROS (which is like $10,000 American Dollars!), I was like well, I don't think that is going to work honey, as you just shipped off the only other bag I could have put those 2 kilos (which I have no idea how much that is in dirty clothes weight) in. She sent me to the Luftansa desk to pay. The woman there was WAY frustrated with me as I had disturbed her sleep. She and I fussed and then, the patron saint of overweight luggage descended upon us and she simply took my boarding pass and WAIVED the BAGGAGE FEE!

Maybe this trip home wouldn't be so bad?

Olga left, sorry, I admit, no fan fair as in the Elena vain, but I did thank her and give her a hug and wish her all the best. She is after all, the person who made it possible for us to be leaving two days early and that turned out to be SO critical for us, especially for me, I was tanking in Russia, fast.

We had about an hour for breakfast before we had to get to the gate. Ian flipped. He had had it. He started to act out majorly. He refused to eat, he yelled and screamed, he would not sit, etc...I tried to enjoy a coffee since I knew I needed some caffeine in order to deal with him on the plane (no falling asleep Gretchen, cause he'll be in the cockpit if I let my eyes off of him). Did I mention Ian HATES seat belts? Yea, he screams when you put them on, so I had that to look forward to. Sweet.

We boarded, the LAST seats in the back of the plane. This flight to Frankfurt was going to be 2.5 hours. We settled into our seats, which was dramatice because they had Ian seated in the row one AHEAD of where I was seated (oh if only that could have been true, a nanny on the plane!). The person that was UNSEATED because of it, was so confused when I tried to explain to him why a little whiney kid was in his seat, likely because he only spoke German. I guess my frantic hand modeling, pointing to me and then Ian and then his seat, my seat, and the empty seat, must have look real weird to him. ATTENDANT CALL button was pressed and thankfully, they figured it all out, in German.

So, now, the moment you have been waiting for. HOW DID IAN DO ON THE PLANE? This time, there was no patron saint, no angels hovering over. It was the right hand of God. I promise you that Jesus had to be sitting in the aisle next to Ian because...

THE CHILD WAS THE ABSOLUTE PICTURE OF PERFECTION for not only that first flight, but for the ENTIRE flight HOME! That's right, I was yee of little faith. HE DID IT, he was an angel. People remarked to me, in fact ALL the people that were seated around us on the 9.5 hour ride home, on what a GOOD BOY he was. It was the most amazing thing to watch. He just sat there and played with a little bag of toys, for 12 hours. Thank you whoever invented these baby snap rings! I got them the day before we left and he LOVES them!




He slept maybe 1 hour and after the breakfast on the flight out of Russia, he refused to eat anything. He did drink, so that kept me from too much worry. Potty was a little bit hard in that small space, but he did it and never even needed the Pull Up that I put on him just in case. I got a pic of him the short time he slept on the plane.





the last 20 min, as we approached Atlanta, he lost it. Crying, trying to get out of the seatbelt, etc...I didn't even care at that point, I just tried to comfort him although I was crying too, so that must have been weird for him. About 3 hours from landing, I got a massive migraine headache. So, I was totally fried by the time we landed. We had also had a little mishap in Frankfurt, but thankfully the GERMAN POLICE gave me back our passports!

We landed at 3:40 pm and spent the next 2 hours in US Immigration. That was fun. Ian passed out right as we were leaving immigration.





about 5:40 pm we emerged from the arrivals point and then....

Met by Ari and Craig and some other friends and family, I was SO, in fact NEVER SO, happy to be home. Craig took over Ian and I got to hug and talk to my Ari. It was a great homecoming and Ian was excited. He remembered Papa and they had some special moments bonding there are the airport.

Ari was TOO excited that Ian was home, it was SO cure to watch!

We were home. Officially however, not until Thursday, August 25th, due to Ian having a whole body rash and scabies, which I am so lucky to have contracted from him and the orphanage, that we had to seek out urgent care straight from the airport, and then find an all night pharmacy (closest one 15 miles from our house) and then apply the stuff, and THEN we could sleep, I think it was 1 am.

I had promised Ari he could sleep with his mommy, that could not happen after the diagnosis so Ian and I bunked together and papa with Ari. Not the first night home I imagined, but home none the less, slept in my own bed with at least one of my sons:) This is real life.

NOTE TO future families: BUY scabies cream and apply it to your child even if you look at them and do not think they have it, it might not show up for a few days. Application won't hurt them, or you! I regret not bringing the cream when I had that question in my mind, but I just said, ah, forget it, his orphanage is pretty clean. LOL, a clean orphanage, I'm an idiot.

Since then, we've had one full day home with Ian. He is doing well! No problems really except when Daddy and I took him to the mall this morning to buy shoes and clothes. He's testing Daddy, which is hilarious to me because daddy is now the softie! LOL.

Craig shot a little bit of video of Ian eating lunch. It captures that laugh I was trying to tell you about before, the on purpose one where Ian is like - this is so beautifully absurd to me! Lunch time with no limits, all the food I want, no screaming of other kids, no curt caregivers, no flies, no slop to eat, no one trying to snatch things from me, more if I want more. HE IS HAPPY.

Ian and I rode along to take Ari to school yesterday morning, but we did not go in. We will today, when the new normal really begins, as Craig took off from work yesterday to be at home with Ian. Today Ian and I will be alone together all day, and it will be this way for the next few weeks until I go back to work and Ian starts school.

Ari and Ian have not really spent any time together yet, but they did have an exchange in the car on the way to school Ian saying his words and Ari just darn excited that he was finally home. TOO CUTE!

We will be laying LOW LOW LOW until October 8th when we will be having Ari's birthday and Ian's welcome home party. It should be a blast, we have rented a jumpy place and the theme is carnival, complete with face painters and ballon animal makers and a cake that looks like a box of popcorn!

I may post a one week update, I may not. I'll try. Life is busy here, there is lots to be done now to get Ian ready to attend school. MANY doctors to be seen and surgeries to be scheduled. Bonding to be done, learning, sharing, growing together. In September, we will close this blog for good and launch our NEW family blog! I'm SO excited about it! and I hope when the time comes, you'll hop on over to that yet to be named blog, and stay with Ian on his journey.....

OF A REAL LITTLE AMERICAN BOY.

Ian is one less, and there are 147 million more to go. How do you change the world? ONE AT A TIME - click here to HELP Heidi come home, a little girl with Down Syndrome in Ian's former orphanage, in his same groupa. The Peterson Family are just beginning their journey so they need all the prayers and financially blessings you can share.



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Location:Home, USA

Days 9 - 11: Ready

Monday night I had a plan. It worked to help me get through these last 24 hours here. The plan was to tire Ian out so much so that he would just pass out and go to sleep, and sleep past 6:00 am.

Sunday afternoon, when I got back from a much needed break, where in the other Luda was here with our Luda, babysitting Vasya, I could hear him yelling when I was coming up the steps. BTW, Luda was replaced by an English speaking sitter and she's been great.

Oye.

Since Sasha was gone, I had a hard time figuring out what happened. From what I gather, he was good for a while and then started testing the two grandmas. He won, obviously.

Smart kid.

Anyhow, I know him a bit by now and I know that he knows he was acting very badly (the whole yelling and screaming stomping thing), and then he threw food. Awesome.

What happens in your house when someone who knows better throws food? In our house, even if it does happen to be located in Moscow right now, you go to bed without your dinner if its dinner time, and if its during the day, you clean it up and spend some time in time out. Ian eats delicious food all day long so please don't comment about with holding dinner. I then got on google translate and Luda helped me learn some critical commands that I will need going forward with him. He has taken full advantage of the Babushku situation as well as my inability to speak Russia. Ian is small for his age but that is in no way an indicator of his functional age. He functions in self help skills like an 8 year old American kid. He can do mostly everything for himself, and not too shabbily either.

Smart kid.

While we were doing that, Ian came out into the hallway, pointing at the kitchen, asking for dinner. Again, Google translate to the rescue, I explained to him (through Luda) what he needs to do and he indicated he understood (no screaming, yelling, throwing food, etc..). I (through Luda) then told him if he threw food at table again, he would go straight back to bed without it. Same thing for yelling and screaming.

Guess who ate like an angel? Didn't make a peep, clam and collected.

Smart kid.

I did put him back to bed because he was tired and I know that was adding to his apparent susceptibility to melting down. He's very very committed once he gets into his misbehavior. None of this is his fault and I do not treat him like it is, however I do expect him to behave appropriately in those areas which I have confirmed that he is able to understand how to do, and that has had to start from Day 1, or Craig and I and Ari will be in a great deal of distress for a long time. Ian will be fine, I am confident of that, he understands everything that is said to him in Russian and he even knows what I am saying when I use gestures and model for him. HE KNOWS what he is doing, and that is half the battle.

I am certain at the orphanage, he and the other kids played the rotating caregivers against one another, learning which one would allow what, looking for openings to do tom foolery, etc...I mean if they had him on lock down at the orphanage, they would have never told me to be firm with him or he would take the place apart.

This is definitely tough love for me. Oh its so hard because I do feel so bad for him. I do want him to be happy all of the time but that is simply not how it will go at home and going forward. To make him think that, to pacify him and not to parent him would be, in my estimation, a grave mistake for all of us. Think I'm exaggerating? Just LOOK at this face! It's SO hard to make him tow the line of mom's expectations (and trust me, I'm the softy of the pair of Craig and I, and I don't expect or even look for perfection).




Ian is learning to be a child. It's very heartwarming to watch. He is learning to PLAY in the tub. First up: Slashing the water is OKAY to do, go at it, have FUN! I imagine splashing was forbidden at the orphanage to avoid total chaos at group bath time.




I'm actually glad that this, if it had to happen, happened now and not on the plane where I could have done nothing about it (see, I'm predicting he'll be a star on the plane, I have to think positive right!?). By the time we leave on WEDNESDAY, he should be good to go for the trip home.

He will have to learn all about regulating his emotions, that is a part of the orphanage behavior. Even if he was never an orphan, he could be acting like this, I've seen my Ari have mini-meltdowns when he's off his routine and for Ian, little guy, BAM, his while life changed. He's missed an awful, awful lot of learning time and love. Funny thing though, I don't think he misses the orphanage AT ALL. He seemed and seems READY for all of this as much as he could be. I'm happy for him about that. It's almost like he knew that there was something else. He walks the streets with me dumbfounded at the buildings, the people, the cars, the everything. He laughs purposely when we do something like sit down at a cafe, he points to some food, and they bring it to him and set it in front of him!

Oh yeah, you caught that huh? That's right, we ARE leaving tomorrow morning at 5:30 am, 2 days early! It's only money, and if I can save him and I some challenges here, I think it is best to come home early. I thought not but then seeing him struggling here (and me too), I feel it is best to get him home and into the new normal routine as soon as I can so that we don't reinforce this other stuff that is by default factors of traveling. Heck, I don't think Ari would be perfect given the amount of change involved in this many day bringing home process.

Russia really makes it difficult in terms of the adoption process. I think more kids would be being rescued from here if the travel was not so insane. It breaks you, not just financially, but physically too, three trips here in 5 months time is really hard on a family.

On Monday we walked to Red Square, at night. It was awesome. I wanted Ian to go to sleep without any issues so we walked and walked (it's about a 20 min. brisk walk from Nastia's apartment). He saw the famous Guum mall all in lights, and Red Square at night is something I had never experienced before. We did some gift shopping at Gumm and then grabbed a taxi home. I would have taken the Metro but I'm not totally confident that Ian would not freak out and I'd have no way out of there with him.




Okay, so he wanted me to pick him up so I could not get him to stand on the pavement so I could take a picture LOL, he's so lovey now it's a real blessing. Before he would resist being picked up like crazy but now he likes it. He learns fast. He LIKES affection. Thank Goodness, the damage done from being an orphan looks like maybe it won't be too too bad.




By the way, my night plan worked and he was like butter in my lap in the cab home. He normally will NOT sit in my lap (another foreign concept to him). Bed and bath was easy pieces:)




I had been to Red Square earlier that day and took some pictures. The moment I stood in the same place I had stood 23 years ago on the International Peace Walk from Odessa to Kiev and then on to Moscow, I just began to cry. It was a combination of the gradually more difficult this trip has become, the deep sinking in of the orphan crisis that I (and I know Craig too), have felt and come to realize over the last 13 months of the adoption of Ian, memories of August 1988 in Red Square when Russia was still under Communist rule and the police presence felt SO different, being at my friends home with Ian and she is not there, having a tough time with our Moscow adoption agency team, and finally maybe, wishing Ari was with me to see it all. I miss him greatly. My mother told me that he told her he does not want mommy or daddy to go away anymore.























This is Lenin's Tomb. Last time I was in Red Square, it was guarded 24 hours a day by a trio of military guards, in the same vein as the tomb of the unknown solider in the United States. You can visit but not on Mondays.




If you are lucky, you can meet the President of Russia too!




When I entered Red Square, the cross atop this church blinded my eyes. I felt like God was trying to get my attention, to remind me that he called me to this and I CAN do this and it's almost over, at least this part. Don't miss the moments, that is the title of one of my favorite songs. So, I had a nice time on my walk around the square.





This is Guum. Last time I was here, these buildings were all government buildings. Now they have all be refurbished so to speak, and the place is IMMACULATE. ALL of the stores are designer. It's really one of the most beautiful malls I have ever been in. I was debating on a purchase since before I came for this trip, some clothing from Bosco, the makers of the Russian Olympic team clothing. The knock off versions are reasonable but NO where near the same thing. Bosco is not cheap.

Eat the cookies, buy the shoes. If you know that reference then you'll get that I did make a purchase at Bosco. It was the ONE thing I got for myself in THREE trips to Russia, a country that I have loved for 24 years and where I left my heart when I was 18 years old. It was on sale, half off. You'll just have to wait and see what it is:)




Craig, doesn't this look familiar?




Here are three pictures for daddy, things we saw on our walk that you would have stopped to look at:




I guess that is the engine that is in this car.




ALL the while I am here, away from my home, I am thinking of and missing my bear, by boo, my bug, my pumpkin, my buddy, my son ARI.

Ari hs been though the ringer with this adoption too. Craig and I were able to t ake him the first time to Russia and that was great for him. This time, and the 2nd trip, he's been under the care of a cadre of people from grandmothers to hired, wonderful help. This trip, both Craig and I were gone over a period of 4 days that overlapped our trips. Ari wakes up and one parent, or both are gone, and then they magically reappear. When Craig came home this last time, Ari told him not to leave him again.

Heartbreaking. Ari's 5th brithday is coming up soon and its going to be special. We have rented a jumpy-bouncy place, the whole place, so Ari can run free and not worry about people that don't watch thier own children. It will be filled with his friends and ours, and I am looking forward to the focus being on ARI for a day, since for the last year plus, its been mostly on Ian. The theme is Carnival, so woo hoo, time for some BIG FUN!

So, this is my last post from Moscow, and from Russia. Today (Tuesday) we went to the US embassy and breezed through that process. $400 bucks for Ian's VISA, $150 to fast track his passport for departure tomorrow, and $160 bucks to even up with the driver through drop off at the airport tomorrow. We leave at 5:30 am.

It was $550.00 to change our tickets. PRICELESS to be going home.

I cannot tell you ALL, even though I could not respond to each comment or message, how thankful I have been to know that you all care about us over here and I read all of the comments and I have really been helped by them all. I know your prayers have gotten us through this trip. It's almost over.

I can't wait to post that we are HOME.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Moscow, Russia

I'm Threw

I caved we are leaving in 2 days.

Thank God.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Days 7 & 8: Trains, Caviar and the International Incident(s) oh my!

Praise the lord - INTERNET CONNECTION!

I feel better now that I'm plugged in:) Since I could not access the internet last night, I am rolling two posts into one. I have to leave my good friend's flat to get wi-fi service. She does have it but we cannot get my iPad to accept the password:(

I'm officially tired ya'll and I'm now living with my friends mother Ludmila (and as of today, her husband Sasha) in my friends apartment but my friend is in Turkey. The last time I saw Ludmila, she was cursing me out in Russian LOL, for being a dumb 18 year old girl who, in total collusion with my friend, got into big trouble all over the globe.

Awesome:)

All is well though, she does NOT speak any English. So far so good, she has been bending over backwards to be nice to us. A little too much backward though, as I found out this morning when I spoke to our adoption team here in Moscow, I'll explain as I go through the post. She's being mama bear for me and I so appreciate it but she's also Cossak, and them sort of Russian's don't take no foolishness, or no for an answer!

So, yesterday went a little something like this:

- A morning out to buy flowers for E to go with her gift from us Region 2 Hand-In-Hand adoption agency families, plus a few other kind souls. I had NO clue what I was doing at the flower stand but I think I spent $60.00 on a bouquet, whups. They were really pretty, E loved them. In my mind, I thought I was spending $30.00, oh well, just don't call me a math major, in fact don't call me for anything math related. Thanks.




We took a last play at the fountain, throwing in all the random Ruble coins I had and which confuse me because of the denominations, so I was gald for Ian to throw in about 30 of them! To say he had a ball would be an understatement! I'm sure people thought I was abusing him when it was time to leave, he screamed and cried and stomped and all that. Oye.





A fond farewell to The Coffeshop Company, which was the closest I could get to Starbuck's - I started calling it "Rus-bucks" after a while.




- A tearful departure at the delivery of E's "Fund of Hope." The total gift was $3,300.00!! I have VIDEO of this moment but you all know I cannot post it till I get home, unless I find an iPad app that can handle mpegs. She cried and cried, and I am sure she would have continued had it not been in front of our driver Sergey. She said she has never been given a gift like that and I just know it was relief for her. I watched her breathe a deep sigh afterwards and to me, that spelled success for us in trying to help her get through this difficult period of her life with three families to care for and being so overworked with OUR adoptions.

- A 4.5 hour train ride with Ian, his FIRST ever, and my first ever on a new Russian train, kinda looks like the Shinkansen Bullet Train I rode in Japan. Cool! I love the fast train. I am SO SAD Ari is not here for this, he would LOVE this. Mommy will take you on a bullet train sweetie, I SO promise!




That's Elena and Sergey with Ian.




Thank goodness E and Sergey, our driver, took us right to the seats, or I would NOT have managed the luggage and Ian alone. You have to keep a KungFu grip on Ian or he'll be driving the train off before you realize he's gone!

It was a little hectic on the train, you have to be just about FIRST in line (remember this those R2 families going after me) to get a space for your luggage if you have anything other than carry on size bags that will not fit above your seat. These trains were not built to hold baggage, so it can be a fight to get space. There was almost an international incident when a guy from England put his thousand pound (haha, they use pounds for money in Britain yeah? ahahah) bag on top of mine, watched it crush them and then got mad because I asked him to please move his bag. This was AFTER the Italian tourist group ALSO asked them not to throw their heavy bags on top of theirs....Oye Vey! The English?? I had no idea, I thought the Italians we're known as the ruder ones. Rest assured, I'm being a very good representative of the United States, and I will be SO HAPPY to be HOME on US SOIL again.

Ian did great on the train, just playing in his seat, sleeping, and eating. He loves to eat, he laughs when something seems so absurd to him - like eating on a train, shoot, just being on a train has to make his mind just about explode. It's really cute to watch.









We were served a three course meal. Note to future families, choose the Fish and not the Beef, trust me on that one.








- Arrival in Moscow at 6:00 pm. I thought we were being met by our Moscow facilitators husband. This was not the case. We were met by a very much oder man who struggled with our luggage and who did not speak English well and who drove like a complete maniac. I didn't care for this change of plans without my notice. I am frustrated with the Moscow team, but I am trying to hold my tongue until we get home and then I will be writing a LONG letter to our agency. The things that are happening here could have ALL been avoided with some simple professional level communication. OYE!!!!!

Ludmila however, ain't holding her tongue! In fact, I found out this morning that she was furious with the taxi driver over what he charged me, $60.00 US. I did not know this yesterday, all I knew was that she and he were exchanging words. Olga, our Moscow adoption facilitator (and she is NOT an Elena at all, which is part of the issue for me, she's lacking and I'll leave it at that), told me this this morning over the phone as we dealt with another issue - the doctor.

- Arrival at my friends Moscow flat was um, ScArY! So, I told you that Anastasia's address was considered one of the best addresses in the city. So, when we pulled up and I saw this:
















I could not beleive we were at the right place. Could this be it? When Ludmila came out, I knew it was the right place and I was sure E had made a mistake in thinking this was some prestigious address, as she has used the word to describe it to me. Not that I cared AT ALL, I was just surprised. Things can look like an absolute disaster on the outside in Russia, but can be very, very nice on the inside, or not, either way, curb appeal is just in my blood and my mind has a hard time thinking that front door in the photo above could lead to a place I'd wanna stay.

Then, the door was opened and, WOW! Anastasia and I would get along famously as intereior deigneers. It looks like they own stock in IKEA. I love her place and I am grateful to be their guests. It is comfortable. Her two children are away at camp and her husband just returned from the US, buying film making equipment for a big event they will run this September in Moscow.
















They have a maid, her name is Larissa. She cleaned last night for two hours and all day today. She is still here cleaning. Last night, Ian had another first with this jetted, LIT bathtub! Heaven would not even describe where I think he thought he was!




Settling in last night went a lot better than I had expected. Of course dummy, Nastia's parents would not still be mad with me over things that two dumb 18 year old girls did! Thank goodness. She has been very, very kind to Vasya and I.

She's a grandmother. Enter BIG problem and another AMAZING thing about this orphan no more in our midst. When you go to grandma's house, you get to do and sometimes behave, in ways that are not allowed at home. This is why grandma's house is the bomb! So, Ian GETS THIS concept and took full advantage of it from jump. Ludmila does not get it about him and this is his FIRST time ever in a HOUSE.

BAB Luda has replaced Mama for the time being, as most favorite person. She speaks Russian for one, and since Ian understands all that is said to him, this no doubt comforts him. She could care less about his behavior and keeps telling me I can fix it all when we get to Amerika! Baahahaha - so you are riding on the plane with me and him then right! With Baba, so much is possible, like running freely in the water soaked muddy pants (where he promptly FELL and was COVERED in mud, crying and screaming). This was the sight of international near miss incident #2 in which a group of Russian's laughed at Ian when he fell and was crying. It took ALL of me not to freak out and start giving them a piece of my mind. I did the "how dare you" stare and got him out of there.




Where I get to swing in a swing that mama said no to for several reasons, but that Baba said yes to (I'm not mad, it's funny really, I'm just SO exhausted mentally at this point, and I've put in A LOT of hard work last week in getting Ian with a program of behaving before that plane ride. To see it all kind of fall apart, it's just hard)




EATING flipping CAVIER by the SPOONFULS! (I swear, this has got be a FIRST, out 5 days from an orphanage where he's spent his ENTIRE life and eating Caviar by the spoonful in the house of a Russian filmmaker - OYE!)








OHHHHH he has been SO SO Naughty! Yelling, screaming, refusing to hold my hand outside, touching things he knows he should not touch (granted the apartment is not child proof as Nastia's kids are 10 and 15), HITTING me and laughing about it, not listening to anyone. He's behaving like he did those times we met him and he was like a caged animal.

So, here is where I guess I get to keep it real. Rose colors nowhere in sight,
it never fails that when I SAY things are going well, they inevitably tank. This time it has to do with three things: (1) the Moscow team and I don't gel, at all; (2) Ian is TRIPPING! and (3) my attitude again. I'm so ready to be done with this trip. I could get out of here in 2 days but it would cost me $500 and I don't want to spend it because we need it for Ian when we get home. His Caridogram will be half that right off. I don't want to wast money because I feel blue, that seems like a quitter to me.

I need some help with Ian, he's more than a handful now. The screaming and yelling are really wearing on me. There is simply no way to keep him from doing this. He is VERY impatient and is ALL about instant gratification. He's off his routine and I can tell it is bothering him. He just has SO much to take in, it's nearly impossible for me to expect him to be appropriate, but I have to make all attempts. Lordy, I need a break for just a moment. I sleep when he sleeps so every waking moment we are together, just me and him, I have no one to talk to, adult wise. Not having Skype yesterday was so depressing because I've been talking to my mom and my son at home everyday and that has helped me to get through this. Craig is out of touch as you know on his retreat so I can't confide in him other than in emails that cannot be answered right now.

Yikes, I will freely ADMIT that this IS much harder than I thought it would be. I'm tired and I wanna go home:(

AND GOD KNOWS THIS....so you know what he did for me today? THREE THINGS! He countered the 3 things that were getting me down with three things lit me up!

(1) Ian and I went for a walk this morning. When I turned onto the main drag outside of Nastia's flat, BAM there it was!




Not sure what I'm showing you? How about closer:




Closer!




STARBUCKS!!!!!! Oh joy of joys, something that reminds me of home! Of course, I hurried 10 blocks up to the nearest street passage, UNDER THE STREET (you cannot cross on the streets in Moscow on top, you will be run over trying to cross 8 lanes where they drive at highway speeds)







Up the steps and then back 10 blocks and we were there, sitting, laughing, eating cheesecake, and feeling so much better! I am self-medicating with Cheeesecakes and Coffees - don't judge, it's helping:)




and guess who got a Starbucks Barista bear from Russia! Haha, Ian did! and I was not mad that I had to pay $25.00 for it. It made him happy.




(2) Nastia's husband came home last night and I met him today and HE SPEAKS ENGLISH! yeah! He fixed the Skype and translated some stuff Luda has been telling me in Russian that all I can do is to respond with a deer in the headlights look.

Last night, Luda talked to me for a while, then called someone and that person attempted to translate what she had said. Luda wanted to get a babysitter for me so I could have a little break. Luda does not apparently watch kids, or clean LOL. She does cook, well. She watches television in Christian Dior sunglasses and eats Caviar at dinner.

(3) I'm blogging from a "Rus-Bucks" with free Wi-Fi and I got my break. Ian is HAPPY as a clam as there is another LUDA babysitting him right now (who also incidentally has a son named Vasya) 2 Luda's and 2 Vasya's, wow. She is the professional babysitter for the major film studio here in Moscow. She's a grandmotherly type and of course, speaks Russian, no English. Ian's in 7th heaven.

Tomorrow: Another free day with which Ian and I will go to the Moscow Zoo! I'm excited about that. Red Square is within walking distance so we will also pay a visit there for the obligatory Red Square photograph. I have many memories of that place, it will be strange to be back under these circumstances.

Tuesday: 11:30 am interview at the US Embassy to process Ian's VISA and other things.

I have no idea what happens after that. We leave on Friday morning for Frankfurt and then a final flight home. I will lose it at the airport, and I'm looking forward to that.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Moscow, Russia