Days 9 - 11: Ready

Monday night I had a plan. It worked to help me get through these last 24 hours here. The plan was to tire Ian out so much so that he would just pass out and go to sleep, and sleep past 6:00 am.

Sunday afternoon, when I got back from a much needed break, where in the other Luda was here with our Luda, babysitting Vasya, I could hear him yelling when I was coming up the steps. BTW, Luda was replaced by an English speaking sitter and she's been great.

Oye.

Since Sasha was gone, I had a hard time figuring out what happened. From what I gather, he was good for a while and then started testing the two grandmas. He won, obviously.

Smart kid.

Anyhow, I know him a bit by now and I know that he knows he was acting very badly (the whole yelling and screaming stomping thing), and then he threw food. Awesome.

What happens in your house when someone who knows better throws food? In our house, even if it does happen to be located in Moscow right now, you go to bed without your dinner if its dinner time, and if its during the day, you clean it up and spend some time in time out. Ian eats delicious food all day long so please don't comment about with holding dinner. I then got on google translate and Luda helped me learn some critical commands that I will need going forward with him. He has taken full advantage of the Babushku situation as well as my inability to speak Russia. Ian is small for his age but that is in no way an indicator of his functional age. He functions in self help skills like an 8 year old American kid. He can do mostly everything for himself, and not too shabbily either.

Smart kid.

While we were doing that, Ian came out into the hallway, pointing at the kitchen, asking for dinner. Again, Google translate to the rescue, I explained to him (through Luda) what he needs to do and he indicated he understood (no screaming, yelling, throwing food, etc..). I (through Luda) then told him if he threw food at table again, he would go straight back to bed without it. Same thing for yelling and screaming.

Guess who ate like an angel? Didn't make a peep, clam and collected.

Smart kid.

I did put him back to bed because he was tired and I know that was adding to his apparent susceptibility to melting down. He's very very committed once he gets into his misbehavior. None of this is his fault and I do not treat him like it is, however I do expect him to behave appropriately in those areas which I have confirmed that he is able to understand how to do, and that has had to start from Day 1, or Craig and I and Ari will be in a great deal of distress for a long time. Ian will be fine, I am confident of that, he understands everything that is said to him in Russian and he even knows what I am saying when I use gestures and model for him. HE KNOWS what he is doing, and that is half the battle.

I am certain at the orphanage, he and the other kids played the rotating caregivers against one another, learning which one would allow what, looking for openings to do tom foolery, etc...I mean if they had him on lock down at the orphanage, they would have never told me to be firm with him or he would take the place apart.

This is definitely tough love for me. Oh its so hard because I do feel so bad for him. I do want him to be happy all of the time but that is simply not how it will go at home and going forward. To make him think that, to pacify him and not to parent him would be, in my estimation, a grave mistake for all of us. Think I'm exaggerating? Just LOOK at this face! It's SO hard to make him tow the line of mom's expectations (and trust me, I'm the softy of the pair of Craig and I, and I don't expect or even look for perfection).




Ian is learning to be a child. It's very heartwarming to watch. He is learning to PLAY in the tub. First up: Slashing the water is OKAY to do, go at it, have FUN! I imagine splashing was forbidden at the orphanage to avoid total chaos at group bath time.




I'm actually glad that this, if it had to happen, happened now and not on the plane where I could have done nothing about it (see, I'm predicting he'll be a star on the plane, I have to think positive right!?). By the time we leave on WEDNESDAY, he should be good to go for the trip home.

He will have to learn all about regulating his emotions, that is a part of the orphanage behavior. Even if he was never an orphan, he could be acting like this, I've seen my Ari have mini-meltdowns when he's off his routine and for Ian, little guy, BAM, his while life changed. He's missed an awful, awful lot of learning time and love. Funny thing though, I don't think he misses the orphanage AT ALL. He seemed and seems READY for all of this as much as he could be. I'm happy for him about that. It's almost like he knew that there was something else. He walks the streets with me dumbfounded at the buildings, the people, the cars, the everything. He laughs purposely when we do something like sit down at a cafe, he points to some food, and they bring it to him and set it in front of him!

Oh yeah, you caught that huh? That's right, we ARE leaving tomorrow morning at 5:30 am, 2 days early! It's only money, and if I can save him and I some challenges here, I think it is best to come home early. I thought not but then seeing him struggling here (and me too), I feel it is best to get him home and into the new normal routine as soon as I can so that we don't reinforce this other stuff that is by default factors of traveling. Heck, I don't think Ari would be perfect given the amount of change involved in this many day bringing home process.

Russia really makes it difficult in terms of the adoption process. I think more kids would be being rescued from here if the travel was not so insane. It breaks you, not just financially, but physically too, three trips here in 5 months time is really hard on a family.

On Monday we walked to Red Square, at night. It was awesome. I wanted Ian to go to sleep without any issues so we walked and walked (it's about a 20 min. brisk walk from Nastia's apartment). He saw the famous Guum mall all in lights, and Red Square at night is something I had never experienced before. We did some gift shopping at Gumm and then grabbed a taxi home. I would have taken the Metro but I'm not totally confident that Ian would not freak out and I'd have no way out of there with him.




Okay, so he wanted me to pick him up so I could not get him to stand on the pavement so I could take a picture LOL, he's so lovey now it's a real blessing. Before he would resist being picked up like crazy but now he likes it. He learns fast. He LIKES affection. Thank Goodness, the damage done from being an orphan looks like maybe it won't be too too bad.




By the way, my night plan worked and he was like butter in my lap in the cab home. He normally will NOT sit in my lap (another foreign concept to him). Bed and bath was easy pieces:)




I had been to Red Square earlier that day and took some pictures. The moment I stood in the same place I had stood 23 years ago on the International Peace Walk from Odessa to Kiev and then on to Moscow, I just began to cry. It was a combination of the gradually more difficult this trip has become, the deep sinking in of the orphan crisis that I (and I know Craig too), have felt and come to realize over the last 13 months of the adoption of Ian, memories of August 1988 in Red Square when Russia was still under Communist rule and the police presence felt SO different, being at my friends home with Ian and she is not there, having a tough time with our Moscow adoption agency team, and finally maybe, wishing Ari was with me to see it all. I miss him greatly. My mother told me that he told her he does not want mommy or daddy to go away anymore.























This is Lenin's Tomb. Last time I was in Red Square, it was guarded 24 hours a day by a trio of military guards, in the same vein as the tomb of the unknown solider in the United States. You can visit but not on Mondays.




If you are lucky, you can meet the President of Russia too!




When I entered Red Square, the cross atop this church blinded my eyes. I felt like God was trying to get my attention, to remind me that he called me to this and I CAN do this and it's almost over, at least this part. Don't miss the moments, that is the title of one of my favorite songs. So, I had a nice time on my walk around the square.





This is Guum. Last time I was here, these buildings were all government buildings. Now they have all be refurbished so to speak, and the place is IMMACULATE. ALL of the stores are designer. It's really one of the most beautiful malls I have ever been in. I was debating on a purchase since before I came for this trip, some clothing from Bosco, the makers of the Russian Olympic team clothing. The knock off versions are reasonable but NO where near the same thing. Bosco is not cheap.

Eat the cookies, buy the shoes. If you know that reference then you'll get that I did make a purchase at Bosco. It was the ONE thing I got for myself in THREE trips to Russia, a country that I have loved for 24 years and where I left my heart when I was 18 years old. It was on sale, half off. You'll just have to wait and see what it is:)




Craig, doesn't this look familiar?




Here are three pictures for daddy, things we saw on our walk that you would have stopped to look at:




I guess that is the engine that is in this car.




ALL the while I am here, away from my home, I am thinking of and missing my bear, by boo, my bug, my pumpkin, my buddy, my son ARI.

Ari hs been though the ringer with this adoption too. Craig and I were able to t ake him the first time to Russia and that was great for him. This time, and the 2nd trip, he's been under the care of a cadre of people from grandmothers to hired, wonderful help. This trip, both Craig and I were gone over a period of 4 days that overlapped our trips. Ari wakes up and one parent, or both are gone, and then they magically reappear. When Craig came home this last time, Ari told him not to leave him again.

Heartbreaking. Ari's 5th brithday is coming up soon and its going to be special. We have rented a jumpy-bouncy place, the whole place, so Ari can run free and not worry about people that don't watch thier own children. It will be filled with his friends and ours, and I am looking forward to the focus being on ARI for a day, since for the last year plus, its been mostly on Ian. The theme is Carnival, so woo hoo, time for some BIG FUN!

So, this is my last post from Moscow, and from Russia. Today (Tuesday) we went to the US embassy and breezed through that process. $400 bucks for Ian's VISA, $150 to fast track his passport for departure tomorrow, and $160 bucks to even up with the driver through drop off at the airport tomorrow. We leave at 5:30 am.

It was $550.00 to change our tickets. PRICELESS to be going home.

I cannot tell you ALL, even though I could not respond to each comment or message, how thankful I have been to know that you all care about us over here and I read all of the comments and I have really been helped by them all. I know your prayers have gotten us through this trip. It's almost over.

I can't wait to post that we are HOME.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Moscow, Russia

I'm Threw

I caved we are leaving in 2 days.

Thank God.


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Days 7 & 8: Trains, Caviar and the International Incident(s) oh my!

Praise the lord - INTERNET CONNECTION!

I feel better now that I'm plugged in:) Since I could not access the internet last night, I am rolling two posts into one. I have to leave my good friend's flat to get wi-fi service. She does have it but we cannot get my iPad to accept the password:(

I'm officially tired ya'll and I'm now living with my friends mother Ludmila (and as of today, her husband Sasha) in my friends apartment but my friend is in Turkey. The last time I saw Ludmila, she was cursing me out in Russian LOL, for being a dumb 18 year old girl who, in total collusion with my friend, got into big trouble all over the globe.

Awesome:)

All is well though, she does NOT speak any English. So far so good, she has been bending over backwards to be nice to us. A little too much backward though, as I found out this morning when I spoke to our adoption team here in Moscow, I'll explain as I go through the post. She's being mama bear for me and I so appreciate it but she's also Cossak, and them sort of Russian's don't take no foolishness, or no for an answer!

So, yesterday went a little something like this:

- A morning out to buy flowers for E to go with her gift from us Region 2 Hand-In-Hand adoption agency families, plus a few other kind souls. I had NO clue what I was doing at the flower stand but I think I spent $60.00 on a bouquet, whups. They were really pretty, E loved them. In my mind, I thought I was spending $30.00, oh well, just don't call me a math major, in fact don't call me for anything math related. Thanks.




We took a last play at the fountain, throwing in all the random Ruble coins I had and which confuse me because of the denominations, so I was gald for Ian to throw in about 30 of them! To say he had a ball would be an understatement! I'm sure people thought I was abusing him when it was time to leave, he screamed and cried and stomped and all that. Oye.





A fond farewell to The Coffeshop Company, which was the closest I could get to Starbuck's - I started calling it "Rus-bucks" after a while.




- A tearful departure at the delivery of E's "Fund of Hope." The total gift was $3,300.00!! I have VIDEO of this moment but you all know I cannot post it till I get home, unless I find an iPad app that can handle mpegs. She cried and cried, and I am sure she would have continued had it not been in front of our driver Sergey. She said she has never been given a gift like that and I just know it was relief for her. I watched her breathe a deep sigh afterwards and to me, that spelled success for us in trying to help her get through this difficult period of her life with three families to care for and being so overworked with OUR adoptions.

- A 4.5 hour train ride with Ian, his FIRST ever, and my first ever on a new Russian train, kinda looks like the Shinkansen Bullet Train I rode in Japan. Cool! I love the fast train. I am SO SAD Ari is not here for this, he would LOVE this. Mommy will take you on a bullet train sweetie, I SO promise!




That's Elena and Sergey with Ian.




Thank goodness E and Sergey, our driver, took us right to the seats, or I would NOT have managed the luggage and Ian alone. You have to keep a KungFu grip on Ian or he'll be driving the train off before you realize he's gone!

It was a little hectic on the train, you have to be just about FIRST in line (remember this those R2 families going after me) to get a space for your luggage if you have anything other than carry on size bags that will not fit above your seat. These trains were not built to hold baggage, so it can be a fight to get space. There was almost an international incident when a guy from England put his thousand pound (haha, they use pounds for money in Britain yeah? ahahah) bag on top of mine, watched it crush them and then got mad because I asked him to please move his bag. This was AFTER the Italian tourist group ALSO asked them not to throw their heavy bags on top of theirs....Oye Vey! The English?? I had no idea, I thought the Italians we're known as the ruder ones. Rest assured, I'm being a very good representative of the United States, and I will be SO HAPPY to be HOME on US SOIL again.

Ian did great on the train, just playing in his seat, sleeping, and eating. He loves to eat, he laughs when something seems so absurd to him - like eating on a train, shoot, just being on a train has to make his mind just about explode. It's really cute to watch.









We were served a three course meal. Note to future families, choose the Fish and not the Beef, trust me on that one.








- Arrival in Moscow at 6:00 pm. I thought we were being met by our Moscow facilitators husband. This was not the case. We were met by a very much oder man who struggled with our luggage and who did not speak English well and who drove like a complete maniac. I didn't care for this change of plans without my notice. I am frustrated with the Moscow team, but I am trying to hold my tongue until we get home and then I will be writing a LONG letter to our agency. The things that are happening here could have ALL been avoided with some simple professional level communication. OYE!!!!!

Ludmila however, ain't holding her tongue! In fact, I found out this morning that she was furious with the taxi driver over what he charged me, $60.00 US. I did not know this yesterday, all I knew was that she and he were exchanging words. Olga, our Moscow adoption facilitator (and she is NOT an Elena at all, which is part of the issue for me, she's lacking and I'll leave it at that), told me this this morning over the phone as we dealt with another issue - the doctor.

- Arrival at my friends Moscow flat was um, ScArY! So, I told you that Anastasia's address was considered one of the best addresses in the city. So, when we pulled up and I saw this:
















I could not beleive we were at the right place. Could this be it? When Ludmila came out, I knew it was the right place and I was sure E had made a mistake in thinking this was some prestigious address, as she has used the word to describe it to me. Not that I cared AT ALL, I was just surprised. Things can look like an absolute disaster on the outside in Russia, but can be very, very nice on the inside, or not, either way, curb appeal is just in my blood and my mind has a hard time thinking that front door in the photo above could lead to a place I'd wanna stay.

Then, the door was opened and, WOW! Anastasia and I would get along famously as intereior deigneers. It looks like they own stock in IKEA. I love her place and I am grateful to be their guests. It is comfortable. Her two children are away at camp and her husband just returned from the US, buying film making equipment for a big event they will run this September in Moscow.
















They have a maid, her name is Larissa. She cleaned last night for two hours and all day today. She is still here cleaning. Last night, Ian had another first with this jetted, LIT bathtub! Heaven would not even describe where I think he thought he was!




Settling in last night went a lot better than I had expected. Of course dummy, Nastia's parents would not still be mad with me over things that two dumb 18 year old girls did! Thank goodness. She has been very, very kind to Vasya and I.

She's a grandmother. Enter BIG problem and another AMAZING thing about this orphan no more in our midst. When you go to grandma's house, you get to do and sometimes behave, in ways that are not allowed at home. This is why grandma's house is the bomb! So, Ian GETS THIS concept and took full advantage of it from jump. Ludmila does not get it about him and this is his FIRST time ever in a HOUSE.

BAB Luda has replaced Mama for the time being, as most favorite person. She speaks Russian for one, and since Ian understands all that is said to him, this no doubt comforts him. She could care less about his behavior and keeps telling me I can fix it all when we get to Amerika! Baahahaha - so you are riding on the plane with me and him then right! With Baba, so much is possible, like running freely in the water soaked muddy pants (where he promptly FELL and was COVERED in mud, crying and screaming). This was the sight of international near miss incident #2 in which a group of Russian's laughed at Ian when he fell and was crying. It took ALL of me not to freak out and start giving them a piece of my mind. I did the "how dare you" stare and got him out of there.




Where I get to swing in a swing that mama said no to for several reasons, but that Baba said yes to (I'm not mad, it's funny really, I'm just SO exhausted mentally at this point, and I've put in A LOT of hard work last week in getting Ian with a program of behaving before that plane ride. To see it all kind of fall apart, it's just hard)




EATING flipping CAVIER by the SPOONFULS! (I swear, this has got be a FIRST, out 5 days from an orphanage where he's spent his ENTIRE life and eating Caviar by the spoonful in the house of a Russian filmmaker - OYE!)








OHHHHH he has been SO SO Naughty! Yelling, screaming, refusing to hold my hand outside, touching things he knows he should not touch (granted the apartment is not child proof as Nastia's kids are 10 and 15), HITTING me and laughing about it, not listening to anyone. He's behaving like he did those times we met him and he was like a caged animal.

So, here is where I guess I get to keep it real. Rose colors nowhere in sight,
it never fails that when I SAY things are going well, they inevitably tank. This time it has to do with three things: (1) the Moscow team and I don't gel, at all; (2) Ian is TRIPPING! and (3) my attitude again. I'm so ready to be done with this trip. I could get out of here in 2 days but it would cost me $500 and I don't want to spend it because we need it for Ian when we get home. His Caridogram will be half that right off. I don't want to wast money because I feel blue, that seems like a quitter to me.

I need some help with Ian, he's more than a handful now. The screaming and yelling are really wearing on me. There is simply no way to keep him from doing this. He is VERY impatient and is ALL about instant gratification. He's off his routine and I can tell it is bothering him. He just has SO much to take in, it's nearly impossible for me to expect him to be appropriate, but I have to make all attempts. Lordy, I need a break for just a moment. I sleep when he sleeps so every waking moment we are together, just me and him, I have no one to talk to, adult wise. Not having Skype yesterday was so depressing because I've been talking to my mom and my son at home everyday and that has helped me to get through this. Craig is out of touch as you know on his retreat so I can't confide in him other than in emails that cannot be answered right now.

Yikes, I will freely ADMIT that this IS much harder than I thought it would be. I'm tired and I wanna go home:(

AND GOD KNOWS THIS....so you know what he did for me today? THREE THINGS! He countered the 3 things that were getting me down with three things lit me up!

(1) Ian and I went for a walk this morning. When I turned onto the main drag outside of Nastia's flat, BAM there it was!




Not sure what I'm showing you? How about closer:




Closer!




STARBUCKS!!!!!! Oh joy of joys, something that reminds me of home! Of course, I hurried 10 blocks up to the nearest street passage, UNDER THE STREET (you cannot cross on the streets in Moscow on top, you will be run over trying to cross 8 lanes where they drive at highway speeds)







Up the steps and then back 10 blocks and we were there, sitting, laughing, eating cheesecake, and feeling so much better! I am self-medicating with Cheeesecakes and Coffees - don't judge, it's helping:)




and guess who got a Starbucks Barista bear from Russia! Haha, Ian did! and I was not mad that I had to pay $25.00 for it. It made him happy.




(2) Nastia's husband came home last night and I met him today and HE SPEAKS ENGLISH! yeah! He fixed the Skype and translated some stuff Luda has been telling me in Russian that all I can do is to respond with a deer in the headlights look.

Last night, Luda talked to me for a while, then called someone and that person attempted to translate what she had said. Luda wanted to get a babysitter for me so I could have a little break. Luda does not apparently watch kids, or clean LOL. She does cook, well. She watches television in Christian Dior sunglasses and eats Caviar at dinner.

(3) I'm blogging from a "Rus-Bucks" with free Wi-Fi and I got my break. Ian is HAPPY as a clam as there is another LUDA babysitting him right now (who also incidentally has a son named Vasya) 2 Luda's and 2 Vasya's, wow. She is the professional babysitter for the major film studio here in Moscow. She's a grandmotherly type and of course, speaks Russian, no English. Ian's in 7th heaven.

Tomorrow: Another free day with which Ian and I will go to the Moscow Zoo! I'm excited about that. Red Square is within walking distance so we will also pay a visit there for the obligatory Red Square photograph. I have many memories of that place, it will be strange to be back under these circumstances.

Tuesday: 11:30 am interview at the US Embassy to process Ian's VISA and other things.

I have no idea what happens after that. We leave on Friday morning for Frankfurt and then a final flight home. I will lose it at the airport, and I'm looking forward to that.

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Location:Moscow, Russia