Do You?

My mother always tells people that one of her greatest "regrets" about being a single parent and raising me alone, just the two of us most of the time, was that when I was a small child and learning to reason, to talk, to put together actual conversations, no one else was around to hear the funny things that I would say.

Being around my own three year old as a single parent some 36 years later, I understand what she means. I am so blessed however that we do have a number of folks who are around to get to relish in the blessing that is a young child gaining intellectual and verbal independence! I am also apparently blessed in that my son will be sharing the awesome sense of humor that my family has.

.....background.....Ari has been ITT'in it (intensive toilet training) at his intensive day treatment center for Autism for about 5 weeks now. He actually graduated from potty training (which they fail to explain is really pee training only) after the first week and has had very limited pee accidents since then. He was really an impressive trainer, or so I am told. I was dreading the whole thing, wet sheets and clothes, #2 accidents in the car or public places, etc...

so.....while Ari pretty much has the pee thing down, #2 is whole other thing, and we have not had success with #2 in the potty, it's been the pants or the pull-ups overnight. We have done some scientific poop tracking with timers, data sheets and other such experimental record keeping and our conclusion is that he is holding it until night time for some reason.

anyway....we've been hyping up "poopy on the potty party" for 2 weeks now trying to give him some incentive to give it a go on the potty. This weekend, while I was trying to manage a massive yard sale as I confronted my apparent shopping and hoarding problems head on, he sauntered through the garage holding onto his behind. I screamed for papa to grab him and sit him on the potty, hoping for the best.

After a few min. papa told me it was a no go. Papa is particularly adverse to cleaning up poopy pants and the inevitable "other" places it winds up during the cleaning up and sensitization process, so he firmly told me that Ari would spend lunch on the potty. He moved a DVD player in the bathroom, put on Scooby Doo, and hand fed Ari cheese puffs for 20 min.

I came in to hear Ari moaning that he wanted to get off the potty so I went in the bathroom to get him down. I peered into the bowl and PRAISE THE LORD THERE IT WAS!!!!!!!I quickly moved to confirm that the evidence was actually Ari's and not Papa forgetting to flush. It was Ari's alright! and need I say we danced and sang and made calls all over the country to celebrate! It was AWESOME! Ari was screaming and clapping and dancing too. Ahhhh, the smell of success (ewe, but in a good way?)

.....by bedtime......I was determined to make this a totally accident free day. I was diligent on asking him if had to use the potty. Funny thing is, when I say, "do you need to poop?" he says, "poopie." So, it's like a cat a mouse game, I can't really get a yes out of him, lots of no's and echolalia that make figuring out if he really has to go like a logic game on the LSAT.

.....anyway.....right before bedtime papa and I were asking him if he had to poopie. I asked, then papa asked, then I asked again, we were crazy with it and must have asked the poor child about 30 times in the space of 10 min. Finally we thought to just try sitting him on the potty again for a little while. As time wore on, and in my infinite wisdom of course, I asked him one more time....."Ari, do you have to go poopie?"

....and HE responded to me from the bathroom (I was in his room not far away), "NO.....DO YOU?"

needless to say, our belly's are still sore from laughing hysterically for what seemed liked hours over that gem that you can only get from a child.

Saving Lera

Why must it be so expensive to save a life? This little girl touches my heart. But, I would need 25 more thousand dollars to adopt her. That is half of what I make all year. This journey seems impossible financially. Still, I believe that God has placed these strong feelings in me to adopt a child that I will not give up...ever, until I bring hope home.

I wish it were in time for her. She has Down Syndrome.

Soon, she will be sent to an institution in Russia. Life there is unimaginable. It is not what any child should ever have to endure. This is how one person described the places where Russian orphans with special needs often end up when they age out for adoption:

In most orphanages, children are bathed together with no hot water available. They dine on porridge and bits of chicken with no fresh fruits, vegetables or red meat available. They sleep in wards of typically 12 children on old mattresses with ragged blankets. Many of these facilities are under heated and toys or other tools to stimulate a child's mind are scarce. Many of these orphans suffer from weakened immune systems and, thus, all manner of illness. Their mental, emotional and physical development often seriously stunted.

God keep you and save you sweet little Lera.


Update!!! Lera has a family!!!! She is being adopted!!!

God's neverending Love

Recently, several very emotional events in my life have got me thinking about what it really means and what it really is to have a child with special needs. I feel as if I am being led towards a special needs adoption and I will be honest, I feel some fear around that idea. As a single mother with a son who has Autism and other special needs, as one who is a teacher and honestly does not make enough money to even afford all of his intensive treatments by myself, there is a a part of me that wonders how I could handle another child with special needs.

Yet,

I keep getting drawn to these children. Last night I spent two hours taking pictures of children with special needs getting awards for Exceptional Children's Week at a large local public school district. I had no idea that I was going to "THE" photographer. It turned out to be a lovely event and the children.....oh the children. They were awesome!

Often times, I have trouble with my camera and the settings and the lighting. Tonight however, even with the house lights being turned up and down and back and forth, my camera performed perfectly! It was likely one of the best shoots I have ever done! That was no accident, I feel certain of that.

Sunday, I was blessed beyond words when God allowed me to meet and hug and play with one of his rarest little miracles. A sweet young girl, not far in age from my son, came to see me. I did not know she was coming. It was the best half hour! Her smiles, her laughter, her screams of delight as she played at our home....an unforgettable experience.

Yesterday morning, as I was given some time to myself in the morning because of the late night photo shoot, I took a five mile run around Stone Mountain Park. It was drizzling and cold enough that I could see my own breath. The pavement was wet and for most of the five miles, I was alone with nature and my thoughts. It was a much needed break.

During my run thoughts about my son, about meeting such a special little girl, and about how lately I find little joy in anything other than being able to do things for others, flooded my brain. What I was left with was this:

I am beyond humble in the fact that God chose me to be the mother of a child who requires more than the average amount of care and attention and study and imagination and patience and strength.

I am beyond grateful that I have the opportunity to grow my human capacity to love through the experience of raising my son with special needs.

but most of all....

I am on my knees and crying tears of so much joy that I have been given, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, in the experience of THE LOVE THAT is showered upon me, unconditionally, by God's special children. His rarest of flowers hug me, laugh with me, look to me for safety, and tell me they love me.

My eyes have been opened so widely now that my life has been forever improved. To be able to find joy in to what others would never even notice in a child, is amazing. To be able to be thankful for every moment more that I get to spend with special children is amazing. Through what God has given me, my ability to trust in him and his plans for us has grown one thousand percent, and I know that through the hard times, through the moments in which I wonder about my son's quality of life, God's teaching of love to me through meeting these children and having one of my own, I can find nothing but comfort.

and for all of this......I am eternally grateful.