Crying the river that leads to Ian

I haven't cried for a while. To be honest, I think I put all of the fear and things that could cause me worry about this whole process, and in my life as a single mom with a birth son with Autism, and with all of the "normal" stuff of life like foolish drivers during the morning commute, the woes of public education and my role as a public school special ed teacher support person, BP, the laundry that I left in the dryer and is now wrinkled, the two chocolate covered doughnuts I ate at midnight last night, those incessant bills from Children's Healthcare of Atlanta, my ongoing struggle to de-clutter....

I think I put all of that in some corner of my mind so that it can remain overshadowed by the absolute pure joy that is my son, that is Ian coming home to us forever, that is the nice person who let me in the turn lane ahead of them, that is the fifth grade student I had in my class years ago who is now in college and who said to me not too long ago,"you were my favorite teacher ever!" that is the wonderful man and father figure in our lives who could care less if the clothes are all wrinkly, that is the natural beauty of the park I get to run in to work off my sweet tooth, that is the fact that I have a job that provides me health insurance to help meet the challenges of my son's conditions, that is the Container Store! for all of my organizational fantasies....and on and on....

Today I'm crying, like a baby really.

People I don't know, and might never meet, are stepping up to stand with me and "hold" my hand through it all as we work to bring Ian home. $25,000.00 is no little sum of money, especially in this economy, every penny counts. Asking people for money has never been my strong suit. Asking people to save the children however, is something I have never been shy or afraid to do. Go figure?

(Never mind all of the things that are wrong with needing that sum of money and more to buy a chance for a little boy to learn to speak, to feel the love of a brother and a family, to sleep in a warm bed, to get glasses so he won't loose his vision, to eat till his belly pops, to play, to run free, to learn, to smile, to no longer be unwanted.)

Ian's 25 Heroes of Hope are truly working magic. It reminds me so much of this anonymous poem that 1 first encountered when I was 14 years old and living in a tent in Barstow, California while a member of the 1986 Great Peace March for Global Nuclear Disarmament. I posted this poem in camp:


Drop A Pebble In The Water ~ Poet: James W. Foley


Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop a pebble in the water: in a minute you forget,
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You've disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go,
And there is no way to stop them, once you've started them to flow.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute you forget;
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And perhaps in some sad heart a mighty wave of tears you've stirred,
And disturbed a life was happy ere you dropped that unkind word.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave
Till you wouldn't believe the volume of the one kind word you gave.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a minute you forget;
But there's gladness still a-swelling, and there's joy a-circling yet,
And you've rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard
Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.

The ripples of my call for help in funding Ian's chance at a better life are rolling out to sea, and I cannot wait for the weight of the Joy that's yet to be.