Crying the river that leads to Ian

I haven't cried for a while. To be honest, I think I put all of the fear and things that could cause me worry about this whole process, and in my life as a single mom with a birth son with Autism, and with all of the "normal" stuff of life like foolish drivers during the morning commute, the woes of public education and my role as a public school special ed teacher support person, BP, the laundry that I left in the dryer and is now wrinkled, the two chocolate covered doughnuts I ate at midnight last night, those incessant bills from Children's Healthcare of Atlanta, my ongoing struggle to de-clutter....

I think I put all of that in some corner of my mind so that it can remain overshadowed by the absolute pure joy that is my son, that is Ian coming home to us forever, that is the nice person who let me in the turn lane ahead of them, that is the fifth grade student I had in my class years ago who is now in college and who said to me not too long ago,"you were my favorite teacher ever!" that is the wonderful man and father figure in our lives who could care less if the clothes are all wrinkly, that is the natural beauty of the park I get to run in to work off my sweet tooth, that is the fact that I have a job that provides me health insurance to help meet the challenges of my son's conditions, that is the Container Store! for all of my organizational fantasies....and on and on....

Today I'm crying, like a baby really.

People I don't know, and might never meet, are stepping up to stand with me and "hold" my hand through it all as we work to bring Ian home. $25,000.00 is no little sum of money, especially in this economy, every penny counts. Asking people for money has never been my strong suit. Asking people to save the children however, is something I have never been shy or afraid to do. Go figure?

(Never mind all of the things that are wrong with needing that sum of money and more to buy a chance for a little boy to learn to speak, to feel the love of a brother and a family, to sleep in a warm bed, to get glasses so he won't loose his vision, to eat till his belly pops, to play, to run free, to learn, to smile, to no longer be unwanted.)

Ian's 25 Heroes of Hope are truly working magic. It reminds me so much of this anonymous poem that 1 first encountered when I was 14 years old and living in a tent in Barstow, California while a member of the 1986 Great Peace March for Global Nuclear Disarmament. I posted this poem in camp:


Drop A Pebble In The Water ~ Poet: James W. Foley


Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop a pebble in the water: in a minute you forget,
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You've disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go,
And there is no way to stop them, once you've started them to flow.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute you forget;
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And perhaps in some sad heart a mighty wave of tears you've stirred,
And disturbed a life was happy ere you dropped that unkind word.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave
Till you wouldn't believe the volume of the one kind word you gave.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a minute you forget;
But there's gladness still a-swelling, and there's joy a-circling yet,
And you've rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard
Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.

The ripples of my call for help in funding Ian's chance at a better life are rolling out to sea, and I cannot wait for the weight of the Joy that's yet to be.

Hurdle #1: The Homestudy

Do you know who this is? It's Lolo Jones. Lolo was the favorite for the hurdles at her distance in the Beijing Olympics. She had won everything before that event...for years. At the final hurdle, she faltered, clipped the hurdle, and lost all hopes of any medal.

If you missed that, look here for a recap:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XySvRYIh9Tg

Yet...her statements after the race speak to her dogged determination to not let that split second in history define her. She is already a legend. She is a hero to many young girls, and she is human. She cried about it and then picked herself up. She said this month about what happened, "I can't be sour about what has happened,'' she said. "I can only look at the positive sides of it.''

Looking to the positive...of the very large job of the homestudy application:

1. I love to fill in forms, so this is a dream come true for anyone who likes paperwork;

2. The questions that are not demographic and objective in nature really make you think about yourself and put your hopes, dreams, fears, strengths, weaknesses, and everything else about yourself, into concise paragraphs. The process I believe, will grow me in ways I had not thought about before;

3. The 150 pages of questions and responses, documentation, and the like, will be awesome to have on hand for years to come. I can see myself in ten years looking back at what I wrote, and seeing the changes in myself and my family;

4. The almost $3000.00 to complete the homestudy is my first financial hurdle to bringing "hope" home. (BTW: Hope now has a REAL name and is a REAL little boy!) Once I clear it, it will be a true testament to how far I have come in the battle to defeat debt and give most of what I earn to the goodness that God directs me to do;

5. Journaling this process might help others as they answer the calling to adopt.

I remember watching the summer games in China. I remember seeing Lolo Jones fall and then weep alone on her knees on the track. My heart actually hurt for her. She is bi-racial, like "hope" and I, and think I felt a connection with her just because of that. I look at her now, with her dogged determination and inner fire, she is ready for the London games and ya know, anything can happen. More than that however, her just stepping onto the track will be a giant message to all who watch that adversity is what you make of it. Power through, rock on, and be the change.


That is my attitude going into the homestudy - just be me, fill those forms in with a vengeance, and keep on running - towards bringing hope home.

Saving Lera

Why must it be so expensive to save a life? This little girl touches my heart. But, I would need 25 more thousand dollars to adopt her. That is half of what I make all year. This journey seems impossible financially. Still, I believe that God has placed these strong feelings in me to adopt a child that I will not give up...ever, until I bring hope home.

I wish it were in time for her. She has Down Syndrome.

Soon, she will be sent to an institution in Russia. Life there is unimaginable. It is not what any child should ever have to endure. This is how one person described the places where Russian orphans with special needs often end up when they age out for adoption:

In most orphanages, children are bathed together with no hot water available. They dine on porridge and bits of chicken with no fresh fruits, vegetables or red meat available. They sleep in wards of typically 12 children on old mattresses with ragged blankets. Many of these facilities are under heated and toys or other tools to stimulate a child's mind are scarce. Many of these orphans suffer from weakened immune systems and, thus, all manner of illness. Their mental, emotional and physical development often seriously stunted.

God keep you and save you sweet little Lera.


Update!!! Lera has a family!!!! She is being adopted!!!

FJ answers my own question

Yesterday I posed a question, how does one "choose" from children in an orphanage? How do you change one child's life and leave the rest behind? Yesterday, God led me to the beginning of the answering of that question, in order to prepare me for the day I travel to a Russian orphanage and am forced to make a choice of a human being from amongst many in need.

Meet FJ. She is my new "child" and Ari's new sister. After agonizing over how I would ever make a choice in children to "save", I began checking on all the blogs I follow. Some I follow daily, others from time to time. I was led back to Kelly's Blog and low and behold she had posted the most amazing story and photos regarding Compassion, a Christian organization that helps children living in extreme poverty go to school and find faith in the teachings of God. I must have spent 2 hours looking at her site and the Compassion site. Finally, there was no way I could just turn the computer off without looking through the many, many children's photos whom are waiting to be sponsored. I really did not intend to sponsor a child at that time, especially since I have just enough money in the bank to get to my next check, yet something stronger than myself pulled me towards answering the call to give a child a chance at a better life. So, I did it, I chose one from THOUSANDS, and just by clicking a mouse, made a big difference in the life of a chidl. Later that day, before I really had time to stress and worry about where that $38.00 was going to come from this month, praise the lord, I went out and got the mail and there was a check that had been lost in the mail for about a month! It was enough to cover the sponsorship this month with a little extra! God never fails you when you answer his true calling.

In any event, looking through the pages and pages and pages of waiting children and then reading their stories was hard. Then I thought back to Kelly's story and the video of her meeting her sponsored child. I began to think of ways for me to make a connection to a child. I mulled over the issue of African children and how to me, they seem so much more needy than others, but then I also thought that there would likely be a slim to none chance that I would ever get to Africa to maybe meet my child. Then I went back to thinking well, I am African-American, maybe I should sponsor a child in Africa, and the debate raged on within my head for about another 10 min. until I came across a photo of a young girl in a blue dress. There was a heart on the left side of the photo, meaning she had been waiting for a sponsor for more than 6 months. I clicked on the details of her life. She lives in Hati (hmmm, I have always wanted to do a service mission to the Haitian orphanages), her parents are both teachers (hmmm, I'm a teacher), and so it was decided, FJ became my sponsored child, and I made the pledge to sponsor her until she is 18 years old. I calculated it, and the cost to do so will be about $6,000.00. To me, that is a pittance to save a child, change a life, and to ease some of the burden her parents feel in not being able to provide the basic needs for their children. I know in my heart that I will meet FJ one day, and I cannot wait to write to her. I think I am most happy about the approach that Compassion takes, as everything is centered around faith and love. I always think that to have a strong faith as a child, one does so much better through life, having the strength, knowledge, and belief that God is always at your side.

And....praise God! Kelly reports that because of her blog and story on her sponsorship and travel to meet her child, 78 children have been sponsored so far this week! Wonderful news!

Today marks the begining of my journey as a single parent to adopt a child from Russia

I'm Excited!

It's funny how God's love and power seem to work in my life. At times when things seem most desperate, there is always a light, always a seed of faith, and always something to look forward to. I'm getting older, 38 now, find myself in school trying to earn that elusive doctoral degree with no funds to pay for my education, a ton of debt from student loans and bad money management, a still costly and still less than civil divorce, a recent weight gain of 30 pounds, a month long bout with Strep, H1N1, and other insundry bugs,...and, I have a three year old son who has been diagnosed with Autism, Hypotonia, Speech Disorder, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Fine motor Delay, and best of all A GIGANTIC HEART that spews love and hugs and joy wherever he goes!

For anyone reading this, and even for myself, now seems not the time to begin the journey towards adoption. Yet, as I just hung up the phone with one of my best friends (Durana) on the West coast, I again confirmed, and so did she, that we will adopt children, and that we have been destined and called by a higher power to do so. Being an only child, I miss what could have been for myself and my son in regards to family. When my mother is gone, I will be truly alone (on this earth) as far as family is concerned. I don't want that same fate for my son. I have always wanted three children and to be able to adopt two would be a dream come true. Of course, I'll start with one (unless I get to Russia and can't resist a sibling pair!). Honestly, I could care less that I am not the picture of perfection. I am a great mom! I love being a mom and my kid has more fun in life at three years of age than most adults. I could never tire of giving him direction in life, providing chances for learning, and just, well, being there. The tough love parts are harder, I hate tears but as a professional educator, I know that children need guidance.

SO, what will I do, now that I am committed to this?

Well, first I need to get in a better financial place. Having grown up in a home where money was more than tight and where my mother was always borrowing from family, I want to be self-sufficient. This PHASE 1 is going to include opening a savings account to BRING HOPE HOME, fund raise with friends and family, and work really hard at eliminating my consumer debt. The first part of that plan is to complete my final paper for the granting of my Education Specialist Degree. Doing so will result in a good little pay raise at work. Next, I am going to better market my hobby - taking pictures. I am going to re-work my photography website and start advertising for family shoots on the weekends. Finally, I am going to get my stock photography site up and running. Phase one needs to be completed in the next 60 to 09 days. Specifically:

- by 11/23/09 - completion and first submission of my EdS final paper

- by 2/1/10 - http://www.1000wordsgeorgia.com/ is reworked AND http://www.99centstockpics.com/ is up and running and making money.

so, please wish me luck, pray for us and that God's will and grace and promises be revealed through the skills and spirit that he hath already placed within me to get-r-done!

This is Phase 1 in bringing hope home. (HOPE is the name I have given as a placeholder for the actual name of the child I pray to, during 2010, bring home from Russia to join his or her forever family :)